I fear

I have these movies that play in my head of people or events in my life. I keep on playing this one scene of this person from not to long ago. I ask myself "why is this person so nice? What are they trying to hide?" I know that my first defense is to kill one with kindness but could it be that I have ran across someone with the same defense? God why am I so emotionally retarded? Why is it that I see a good thing and yet expect some sort of evil hand in it? Perhaps it is my own guilt and this comes from the simple fact that I do use kindness to thwart people. I fear that the only thing that ruins my personal relations is myself, except for three people and lets just say that I'm still quiet nice to two of them and the other can go rot in hell.