Itinerary to Being Scared Shit-less

1. Serious falls at the Red River (hard) 2. The Nose of Looking Glass (easy) 3. The Indirect to the Glass Menagerie (easy) 4. Creatures of Waste, Invisible Airways & Crippin Chicken (hard) 5. The Open Book (hard) 6. May Trip to Utah...Joe's Valley, Cottonwood?, and a few others (moderate) 7. The Open Book (it will NOT be easy) 8. The OR at Whitesides (fuck yeah) 9. Serious Ghost Town route (hard) 10. 2 Two week trips to the Red River (hard) Etc. (Hopefully joining the mile high club with my sexy ass rope gun boyfriend [funny])

The Water Table needs it but NOT me

Shit. My trip to the Red has been rained out...perhaps it should have stayed a desert;). Anyway, looking at my stats for the bouldering season, I have only climbed 57 problems at Rumbling Bald. Bullshit. I wanted to complete 100 by the end of the season but due to injuries, Bald closures, and the occasional lack of motivation I am nowhere near completing my task. Now it is practically rope season and I am terrified. I have been training in the gym about twice a week (I got 28 problems down and then do "get-ups" with the 60 lbs bag) and I have been working on the indirect to the Glass Menagerie to get my head right but I am still flipping the fuck out below the long sling under the roof. (The climbing feels like 5.8) It has been suggested that I read the Rock Warriors Way but I have the feeling I should try to get to the Red River ASAP and take some serious (non-slab) whippers. I have not led a climb in over a year and a half, being on top rope scares the shit out of me (especially with these zig-zagging North Carolina slab lines) and basically I am in a pathetic state of climbing. I don't understand where this fear comes from, whenever I am in the boulder field I am more than willing to hit up the low V grade highballs that most would walk away from but as soon as I tie in I am suddenly a different climber. Perhaps it is my back injury but I truly believe it is simply irrational fear. I suppose I need a compelling project and I think I have some idea what it might be...

The Story of the Sphinx and its Garden

In a place that is now called the Red River Gorge, there live a mythical creature with the head of a human and the body of a lion. No one to this day knows where this creature came from, some would say it traveled across the big water and some would even boast that it was a gift from Eternity herself, to our tiny blue planet. But regardless of this creature's origin, it had but one purpose and that was to create a garden of all the plants and plant-like beings of all the universes. The Sphinx was a wise and talented creature and picked what is now known as the Red River Gorge to be the site of this mythical garden due to its incredibly malleable sands and excellent supplies of water. The Sphinx began its task by making great shelves, platforms, overhangs, corridors, and walls with its two gigantic front paws. With each stroke, the Sphinx would release its claws and create several pockets for each type of unique plant life and when the Sphinx was done, it allowed the sand to harden while it traveled the universes to find each species. The Sphinx collected and collected until its task was complete and due to the intelligence of the garden's creator, the garden flourished, growing more lush and vibrant with each season. The variety of plant life was spectacular but by far the most astounding plant within the garden was a plant from the farthest reaches of any universe, (no one knows its true name) the fountain flower. This flower was the color of the purest gold and its smell was so intoxicating that it was known to give the smeller eternal youth. So powerful was this flower that it was even known to resurrect the dead and cure all sickness, except for one...heart break. The Sphinx tried as best it could to keep this particular plant a secret but it was absolutely impossible to keep a secret from the Wind. The Wind blew through the gorge, caught sight of the fountain flower one day and from that point on the Wind became infatuated with its beauty. But just as no secret could be kept from the Wind, the Wind could keep no secret, especially when the Wind's beloved mother, the Great Mother, was grieving over the loss of her Father Stone. So the Wind told the Great Mother of the beautiful flower it had found, in hopes that it would cheer her up and Wind was so pleased with itself because the Great Mother instantly snapped out of her depression. The Great Mother flew as fast as she could to the location of the gorge but as she began to enter, the Sphinx stopped her dead in her tracks. She had never seen such a creature. The Sphinx knew of her intentions for it was a powerful creature but the Sphinx was unaware of her desperation. The Great Mother stood before the beast and said she knew of the flower, its origins, and its powers because an ancient being, the Wisdom Tree, had told her. She asked the Sphinx if she could use the flower to bring back her lover but the Sphinx simply gazed at her with its golden eyes and did not move from the path. The Great Mother attempted to get around the Sphinx but it would not remove itself. Then the Great Mother attempted any and all sorts of trickery for the following weeks in an attempt to allude the Sphinx and get the flower. She tried sleeping potions, disguises, traps, and even tunnels to no avail. Finally, on her last nerve the Great Mother summoned the Wind and approached the Sphinx for the last time. With the Wind howling behind her, the Great Mother walked up to the great Sphinx and demanded that it turn over the fountain flower or she would destroy the Sphinx itself. The Sphinx closed its enormous eyes and spoke, "Caretaker of the sky, you will only destroy what you seek." And with those final words the Sphinx dissipated into sand and all the plants the Sphinx ever touched disappeared thus turning the gorge into a desert for many centuries. The Great Mother sent the Wind to discover if the fountain flower suffered the same fate as the rest but the Wind's search was fruitless and the fountain flower did not reappear in history for many centuries. Oddly enough, when life began to return to the gorge, only then did the fountain flower began to be mentioned in the old fairy tales again and although many have searched, only a few have found this mystical plant. To this day it is believed that the fountain flower still lives somewhere in the gorge and I recommend that we keep our eyes and noses open for the golden light of a long forgotten universe and the smell of a heaven none of our kind will ever reach.

Going to the Red

Going to the Red River Gorge this weekend and with any luck I will not be a huge pussy and flip the fuck out when I get higher than 60 feet. Don't worry I will let you know if I piss myself in the near future.

Back to School

I got my acceptance letter yesterday and I will be attending UNCA's post-baccalaureate degree program Fall 2009. Hurray for my side!!!! So I have somethings to look forward to like, being back in academia, being close to Rumbling Bald and all its 1000 problems, having a good selection of restaurants, and not having to move all my stuff and my compulsively car shitting cat 500 miles away. Things that I don't look forward to are, Asheville traffic, stupid jive ass college kids, yuppies, and having to switch from the Brevard gym to the Asheville gym.

Yeppers

Hey ya'll... I know it had been awhile but I can honestly say that I simply do not have any thing interesting to write. I have gone through a whole gantlet of emotions due to my blessed/cursed/evil period but luckily I have not killed, threatened, or beat the crap out of anyone thus far. I have been saving money and I have been heavily involved with a pretty intense training routine in the climbing gym. First I start out with 'get ups' which are absolutely hilarious. Picture a 40 pound sack filled with wood-chips that you place on your shoulder, then you lay down on the ground and use any means possible to 'get up' as long as the bag stays on your shoulder. Funny. I have farted way more than anyone ever should in the climbing gym. (I try to do about 5 on each side) Then the second part of regime involves attempting to do every problem in the gym which is also very humorous. I get one attempt on each problem unless I am have a sequence issue then I might try it again. Talk about getting spanked. (I try to complete around 25 problems ranging from V0 to V4) Then if I am feeling really ambitious I try to do a set of 4 by 4s or climbing 4 problems 4 times each. The hardest part about the whole training thing is not only do your hands hurt so bad that that you do not want to touch ANYTHING but you also want to drink a nice frosty beer. MMMmmm Beer.