OSHNF Neglect

What would it be like to be equal? To be something other than last? I guess I would have pictures in frames rather than slung in boxes. I would get hugs on a daily basis and my birthday would be a special occasion, not like when I was 10 and everyone rushed back to their bedrooms to watch tv. I think I would rather catch my cake on fire than to be left crying in it, alone. I might be older but these things still hurt. Would it be any different if I belonged to a family? I used to, in a sense, and the only difference is that people waited until you were in the Xmas card picture. Other than that I suppose it is no different, really I would not know. I guess it is better than empty remarks that give you a false sense of 'wow, I belong and I'm going to be treated like I do' or 'I finally matter' According to some phycologist neglect is actually more devastating and has longer term affects than physical abuse and I think to a certain degree they are right. If it where physical abuse I had to endure, at least I could beat the shit out of them instead of just being ignored or having some bullshit thrown in my face about how I am not so and so's offspring and clearly I DO NOT MATTER. I wonder if Joseph acted like that towards Jesus? Kind of funny when you think about it because those same people that say those terrible things always have the worst luck, medically and spiritually, which is no good in the short term, because all they care about is money. If I do die, I hope they don't get the insurance money.