Rumbling Bald and the curse of Maintenance

WTF. There goes night bouldering during the weekdays. I am totally distraught right now. The next thing you know they will be selling rumbling bald tee-shirts and big stuffed boulders in the shape of the crescent. FireFly cove will have guided tours and the whole scene will become a spectacle for mainstream amusement. WTF. Of course there are other boulder fields out there but I want to send these specific projects while I still can. Edward Abbey would shit himself.

Still Here

Ok. Good News: My boyfriend is being nice to me again i.e. not nagging and I think that whole period in our relationship has come to an end. Thank Goodness. Although, I really do need to find someone else to climb with because it has become more apparent that my ability level is so much lower than his and I find myself without a spotter due to his need to run off and work on a project. I want him to enjoy himself BUT sometimes it is just not fun for me. We don't work on climbs together like I would with a partner of my ability level and although I learn a lot from him, I think it is kind of a one way street. I have nothing to offer. Bad News: I hurt my wrist and I have no finger tips. I want to go swimming because it is the best climbing exercise EVER but without tips and a totally functioning wrist, I am a no go for the pool. So I have been eating A LOT and wanting to go climbing so bad it hurts. I am so close to finishing the girl beta for leprechaun promenade that I only need three or four more sessions to slap that sucker all together and then any girl (well at least one my height or taller) will be able to climb that silly V5. I mean sure, I could train and learn how to campus and stick a Mary Poppins swing but I want to contribute this one thing to world of female climbing. Shit. I have only been working on it for the past three months and it is a real V5, unlike the crystalline entity.

Wish I could Campus

http://vimeo.com/2307340 If I could campus, dyno, and float a little... it would be so much easier to climb.

I tried and trued

I wish my current boyfriend would stop nitpicking at me. Last night I drove all the way to his house (35 minutes away) after work. I take him to dinner ($69) then I take him to the movies ($21) which is all the way back where I live (so another 35 minute drive). Then we go back to his house (another 35 minute drive) and so for some reason he thinks it is ok to get mad at ME for saying that his armpits stink! I had the worse cramps last night and since he was MAD at me for saying that his armpits stink he was not the least bit compassionate. He wouldn't even cuddle with me because he wanted to throw a hissy fit. Last weekend was even worse because he wanted to break up with me because I left a plate, an un-opened beer, and a towel on the floor. Even though I have done his dishes, made his bed, scooped his litter box, cleaned up the crap he leaves in MY car, and once again driven to his house numerous times to see him. He complains that I don't respect his feelings and then has the audacity to accuse me of cheating on him or not finding him attractive anymore. I just wish that he would just tell me what is going on instead of trying to push me away by his seemingly constant criticism. He says that I have been acting distant lately and wonders why.

The Things We Do For Blood

Climbing. It is truly a dangerous drug. There is so much preparation that goes into the whole picture. First, you must be strong and know how to use your body. Second, you have to have a good head and allow the moment to take a hold of you so you don't freak out about the fact that your spotter is drinking your beer and is NOT going to catch you. Third, you have to be smart enough to listen to your body so you don't get injured. Fourth, when you get injured because you always will, you must try to continue climbing but figure out a way not to use that injured body part. (For example, if you hurt your ankle, you have to figure out a way to climb with one leg. Or if you hurt your shoulder, you have figure out a way of climbing with one arm or with your teeth.) Fifth, you have to always keep trying newer and harder climbs because the rush is so addictive that if you don't send, you will feel blue for days and obsess. "Maybe I should have put my hand there...?" "Maybe I should have switched my feet before...." "Maybe..."

Big Bad Rock

I have finally found someone that is interested in climbing this beautiful route in a not so secret area. There is a great possibility that this route might be an aid climb ie it might not have been freed before. I was so excited about this route but now I am slightly worried that climbing this route might be far above my abilities...no pun intended. It is so beautiful with its vast exposure and orange face. It reminds me of Smith and of time when I was stronger, so long ago. I cannot help but to be pleased with myself I have only been back in the rock rodeo for a little over four months but that might not be enough. I suppose I must train.

Howdy OUT there

This Blogger thing reminds me of being up on stage and the stage lights are so high that I cannot see if anyone is out in the audience. HELLOOOOO autonomy! If this were really a stage I would make the mic feedback so I could detect the audience... Too bad this is not real life huh? Alright, let me explain how someone who has only been on this site for 3 days has somehow managed to write 160+ blogs. Well, the answer is simple, I have been writing for the past four years and this is the only crap I have to offer the cyber, jack me off, then stalk you world. I will apologize now for any disappoints my writing will cause you in the future and in the past. Really, did you notice my suicidal stage about 50 blogs ago? Or my obsession for revenge and my lust for climbing? More than likely NOT because I am such a terrible writer that it would be impossible for me to convey such expressions of emotion. So just bear with me and DON'T LAUGH!! I'm more serious than a scary clown in your boyfriend's lingerie.

T.S.

Oh, the snobs of the world rejoice! You have yet another one of you among yourselves! All I want is information and for some reason by seeking information I am going to ruin everyone else's good time. A good time that I, of course, cannot have. I swear to god if I ever meet this mother fucker I am going to give him such a tongue lashing that his jaw will break. I cannot believe the audacity of some people. And the funny thing about the whole situation is that there are maps all over the Internet of the area I want to know about. Too fucking bad it does not have the information I need on them and therefore I have to fucking go out of my way to ask a bunch of bitching fucking climbing snobs what I need to know. I am obsessed...please have mercy.

And the Projects say? 46

"Climb me stupid girl." I might have climbed the softest V5 at Rumbling Bald and at first I was thrilled (seeing as how it was my first V5 at Rumbling Bald and a V5 after a considerable amount of time away from climbing) but now it seems a little lack luster. There is something about the gimmes that just seem a little unfair due to the fact that your hopes get so high and then they are dashed to hell by some sandbagged V3. Who knows what fabulous thing Isarna will climb next? Stay tuned and don't climb my fucking projects.

Cigarettes

There have been a lot of habits that I have had to deal with, like, nail biting, socially drinking, caffeine, a former psychological addiction to marijuana, and cigarettes. Stinking, filthy, unhealthy cigarettes. Of course it does not seem so bad. Shit, its not like I got a raging head ache from not taking a bong rip like I do if I don't drink a cup of coffee. But cigarettes, are a whole other story, there is no satisfaction in smoking a cigarette. They do not get you high, they don't taste good, the end result is totally unsatisfying (unlike nail biting) and they make you smell funny. WTF

The Woods

Rocktown. Hunting Season. NO Bathrooms. What does this all mean? More than likely every hunter in La Fayette Georgia has seen me take a crap in a cat hole in the middle of the woods. Although, I looked all around to see if anyone was wearing the infamous hunter orange... I bet someone must have seen me take a dump and this, to some degree, bothers me. I think next time I will take a big poster board with a message that says, "DO NOT WATCH ME TAKE A CRAP PLEASE." I will hold this message up in the air like those t&as do around the boxing ring except this sign will have strands of toilet paper flying from the edges and I will also be wearing more clothing and hiking boots. Perhaps this will allow me to have some privacy or could garner attention... pooping in the woods is hard work.

Fuck...

Please do not let me be forever cursed by my stupid ass mistakes. I am not totally positive I deserve it.

A Crux of a Situation

What do you do when you have nothing in common with someone you care about? How do you go about dealing with the fact that this person is basically not on the same page? You ask them, when was the last time they went to an art gallery or read a new essay on string theory and they have nothing to say. You probe further and ask if they have ever sat in on a book club with Charles Taylor's wife and well, they have nothing to say. You even go as far as asking if they have any thoughts on the pro and cons of the daisy chain and they have nothing to say. You cannot even talk about gardening. What is going on with family today if you cannot talk about plants? I simply do not understand and it does not make matters any better when they are so hell bent on putting you down hurtfully and purposely because of their insecurities. I do not understand how they can lavish such praise on trash when a broader world, that is full of art, literature, news, and stunning people, is calling. Perhaps it is my age or hopefully, it is a matter of awaking from a frightful slumber.

Good God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmJZ2aEMr4&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=1&feature=player_embedded

Video Tips

Climbing videos basically suck for the most part (except King Lines & The Sharp End... Mr. Sharma has won me over) but here are some tips to make your next video awesome. 1. Pick out some music that is so phenomenal, no one could possibly wish to mute said music, like some mainstream hip pop. Better yet prevent viewers from muting your music tastes. 2. If your climbing something, be sure not to look scared and if in the event you are terrified, make sure to smile like some sort of demented clown, it will hide your fear. 3. After a difficult move, stop, look at the camera, and give a thumbs up. This is a simple means of telling viewers that you are a bad ass. 4. Also, ALWAYS climb wearing as few clothes as possible so everyone can see your rippling muscles. This is very important because SEX SELLS even if your climbing a V0, no one will notice. 5. Finally, when you send a tough project, flash your hands at the camera so everyone can see how tore up they are and then viewers will know you are such a hard ass for climbing on bloody, raw, and wounded hands. And tell the viewers that you really felt you were one the rock and make sure to drop a couple of names of a few big time climbers. Also, don't forget to tell everyone that the climb was "totally rad" or "mad sick". These tips will make your next climbing video get so many hits on You Tube, the feds might even set up a task force.

Good Medicine or Real life Discovery Channel

Have you ever seen a snake slithering up a tree into a nest? It is strange when you hear the chirping stop and yet there is still noise all around, as though, those baby birds where never there or never mattered. What is it about the tragedies that occur everyday that make them so easy to ignore? For example, what about the Gaza massacres... it seems the only people that pay any attention to such matters are the oil companies, hence the rise in gas prices. But I can easily ignore the fact that on the other side of the world there are children, mothers, fathers, family, bleeding to death in the streets because the hospitals are not out fitted for those particular emergency conditions. What a New Year, right? Thank you ignorance because if your smart, at least part of the time, you realize that it is all about options. Options come in all sizes and best of all you don't have to choose all of them at once time. I know this makes no sense and I have no way of tying that snake thing back into this story but here goes...even though those birds had no idea what was going on, you can bet your ass that the snake had a plan the whole time. So you have to ask yourself, are you the bird or the snake?

Dearest Crescent

You make everyone nervous at first. You look down at everyone and it makes many feel very intimidated but for those that are not, over confidence can led to bruised heels, broken arms, sprained wrists, shattered ankles, and even blood blisters. The fact is, you are a beautiful boulder and your lines are so clean and powerful I could not help but to stare every time I walked by you for these past two years. Today, dare I say, I fondled your flakes and gorged my flesh on your crevices. I even threw a heel in there for good measure. Of course I became a little over vigorous and my belt buckle got stuck but with all said in and done I am very thankful for many many crash pads.

2009

Sagittarius Outlook for 2009 11/22 – 12/21 Year 2009 Overview You tend to attract just about everything you want this year through your warmth and magnetic Sagittarian That said, you may also go through some great transformational shifts in 2009 as you realize that your happiness no longer depends so much on possessions, but rather on the deeper meaning associated with things symbolic of love and sharing. Instead of controlling what's happening around you, you now have experiences that perhaps you don't understand, but in allowing new insights to come in and have a voice, the rearranging of your resources and your values gives you a sense of security and growth. By surrendering to your higher power, you realize you don't have to struggle as much to get what you want. As you open up to the ideas and energies flowing around you, your priorities shift dramatically. And -- you'll be happy to know -- you don't need to work as hard to enjoy sensual pleasures either! Great opportunities arise as your explore your potential, and discover what kind of environment best serves you in your endeavors. Being in touch with this part of yourself helps you align with your higher purpose, and your drive to continue will lead to great success. Life becomes much easier when you trust that the universe will take care of you. Year 2009 Career You're fascinated by just about everything that happens in 2009, and you'll be inspired to pursue all the opportunities that come your way. Writing and other forms of communication are a great way to put your higher ideals and dreams into motion. Writing about your success in overcoming obstacles could be of great benefit to the world. The exchange of ideas brings balance and harmony into your work. Trusting that everything is in divine order will help bring you great success and comfort in your career. As long as you are in tune with your own personal energy, and respect the ebb and flow of life, you are able to recharge and realign yourself to the new work possibilities on the horizon. Come springtime, you will discover new creative outlets and reach new mastery in your work as you connect with a higher purpose. You feel competent in all aspects of your job, and by autumn you feel financially secure as you are tear down the old and rebuild the new. Endurance is yours, and it will be easy for you to actualize positive results and maintain high integrity. Be mindful to honor all that you have done.

Tips for the Off Season

So winter, thank god, is about half way done and I think now is the appropriate time to offer some helpful tips for off season bouldering this late spring and summer. These tips will ensure your send potential in the off season. First, if you see a wasp nest, be sure to slap it like that southern sandstone sloper. Better yet, try to get a toe hand match on that sucker because that extra hold was not there during the winter. Second, if you walk into the boulder field and see a boulder with vines all over the top, especially the three leaf kind, be sure to climb it anyway. The vines will give you the extra help you need send that project. Third, when you see a spider, make sure you eat it before it eats you. Fourth, when your climbing up the boulder and you get to a large in-cut horizontal, make sure there are no snakes in there by vigorously reaching your hand all the way in there and shaking it around. Your climbing partner will thank you... maybe. Fifth, don't use bug spray because the bears will smell it. Better yet, use horse shit because the constant slapping will keep your muscles limber and primed for the summer send. Also, if your having issues with that project you floated up in the winter then its not the tempts fault, its yours for sucking ass. Get out and climb fat ass. Happy New Year!

Alas

Readers. Sorry I am so boring and lack so much imagination that I cannot tell you the story of the first flying reindeer. Instead, I have come up with another idea that is nothing close to the Christmas spirit. The Story of the Great Mother and the Trick She Played One freezing day, the Great Mother was out walking on the big water when she noticed the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit fighting over an extravagant elk fur. The Great Mother was so tired of these two interfering in the lives of the moral and immortal creatures, herself included, that she decided to put them in their place. She quickly devised a plan and boldly walked up to the fighting pair. Once the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit beheld her beauty, she slyly said that her need was great and her passion like fire so one of them by his self could not possibly satisfy her but together there was great potential. (The Great Mother was well aware of the lust the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit shared for her.) Stroking the elk fur, the Great Mother invited them both to a cave on a high mountain pass that was far above the valley floor. With those words, she slung the elk fur around her shoulders and flew as fast as she could up to the before mentioned cave. As she entered the cave she looked back to see the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit close behind her and right when she entered the darkness she turned into a moth and flew out of the cave right when the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit tumbled in the opening. Little did the lust stricken pair know that the cave belonged to that of a large Yettie and so therefore they did not notice the smell. The Dark Lord and Great Spirit began their copulation rituals with what they thought was the lovely elk fur clad Great Mother but soon they discovered they where greatly mistaken. The Yettie awoke from his nap and was so enraged by the liberties the pair had taken that the Yettie grabbed them both by their ass hairs and threw them so far out of the cave that they landed far from where their misadventure began. Later, they both swore they heard a wicked laughter for days after the incident.

Ah HA!

Page last updated at 10:57 GMT, Friday, 19 December 2008 http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/south_yorkshire/7791427.stm Man's £5 debt repaid 39 years on Mr Webb said he would give the £200 to charity...... A Sheffield man who lent a penniless Australian tourist £5 to pay for a ferry trip in 1969 has been repaid his debt nearly 40 years later. While Jim Webb was out, a card and £200 was hand delivered to his home by Gary Fenton, to repay the money he borrowed when they met in Ostend, Belgium. A note inside read: "To Jim Webb, a good man. From Gary Fenton, a tardy payer of debts." Mr Webb, 72, has appealed for Mr Fenton to get back in touch. .. Mr Webb and a friend were travelling around Europe in April 1969 when they met the Australian traveller, then in his early 20s, at a ferry port in Ostend. He said: "A young man came up to us and said he hadn't got enough money to get back to England and would we lend him £5 and he'd repay us as soon as he could afford it." The three men travelled back to England and when they parted Mr Fenton took Mr Webb's address, but he never heard from him. .. .. In this day and age promises are made and promises are broken and you lose your faith in human nature Jim Webb.... Then on Sunday, he returned to his home in Bradway to find the surprise card. Mr Webb said: "I was quite emotional when I read it. In this day and age promises are made and promises are broken and you lose your faith in human nature. "This was a lovely gesture. Forty years is a long time - it must have been preying on his mind that he hadn't repaid his debt. "He said he was giving me £200 as that was £5 for every year that had gone by." Mr Webb said the card explained how Mr Fenton, who now lived in Sydney, had come across his address while looking through some old papers. His note said he had decided to pay him a visit and repay his debt while on a trip to London. Mr Webb, who is giving the £200 to charity, said: "He didn't leave an address or telephone number, just an email address which I have tried but so far I haven't heard back. "I am very sorry I was not in on Sunday... he would have been very welcome here. Hopefully we will be able to make contact, it would be wonderful to meet up again."

And YOU Are?

To some the world has been held hostage by tyrants and terrorists but all the while the rooster still crows and the cows still produce milk. It might not be 100% organic but the cow more than likely does not give a shit. The wind still blows and although it is filled with second hand smoke, gas fumes, and particulates; the trees do not care. The ocean still rises and falls even though there are dead bodies, pollutants, and poisons floating around. My point being, fear and hate are enough to scare some people into a mouse-like state of being and sometimes those things are enough to drive people, even people you love, to do some terrible things but those actions are not the only happenings in the universe. In fact, I have an excellent personal example of just such an occurrence. I know someone I really love but they are so stricken with jealousy (due to their fear of being insignificant) that they go out of their way to attain every material thing I have ever wanted. Now I will not try to fool you… I like material things and shiny new stuff but I am not obsessed with it, like I used to be and at one time this made me really upset. I thought, how could someone that is supposed to love me be so callous and so selfish??? But now I understand. I have all the things that they will never have and cannot buy. I am young and sometimes down right attractive. I have a good sense of humor and I am, to say the least, fucking intelligent and not just in a book smart way either. I am motivated and have a strong sense of self. I am Isarna. Well, you get the point. The fact is, just because this loved one ran out and bought everything they can barely afford because I desired it, does not make them successful or better than me, it just makes them petty and it is sad. This loved one also has grandiose ideas that their offspring is going to become something more than just a landscaper because they want so desperately to believe that they will be apart of something big but they are just setting themselves up for failure and it is ashame because you just want to grab them by the head and say, “you’re the only person who can make YOU happy.” Sometimes we may question why are people so fucked up, why they are so selfish, and what makes them act the way they do but all ridiculous actions come from the same place, fear. Perhaps, it is nature deficiency or simply the inability of certain types of people to step back and see what is really going on around them. It is going to rain… I should find my umbrella.

Most of the time they just steal my sunglasses

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=48165394

What is Mine is NOT Yours

I know you did it... put chalk on my project. I know you think everyone should get a turn and there is some sort of fairness when it comes to the boulders but you are wrong when I am involved. Perhaps you think it will impress me if you go up to my project and flash it like so many have before you but you are once again wrong. Now I understand that you need a few cheerleaders around to encourage you so you bring up some dumb broads that don't climb to cheer you on and that's ok with me. Some girls even though they are stupid are pretty cool but don't drag them down to my project, flash it in front of them (because you climbed it over 15 times), and then stand around and watch me. Like you are trying to prove something to them. Sorry I am not drooling all over you but my boyfriend is way sexier than you and he is most definitely a better climber. (He is also super nice and makes me coffee but that is beside the point.) The fact is once I declare something a project, it is mine and in order to assure this possession of something that cannot be owned, I peed on it, so there.

Ode to the Sandbagger

Main Entry: 2sandbag Function: verb Date: 1860 transitive verb 1: to bank, stop up, or weight with sandbags2 a: to hit or stun with or as if with a sandbag b: to treat unfairly or harshly c: to coerce by crude means sandbagging the government — C. W. Ferguson> d: to conceal or misrepresent one's true position, potential, or intent especially in order to take advantage ofintransitive verb: to hide the truth about oneself so as to gain an advantage over another — sand·bag·ger noun (Source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/sandbagger 12 December 2008) Have some honor. It is embarrassing to hear what people say about you. You accomplish nothing by this and only bring shame to us all. It is one thing to downgrade a climb, or to sandbag it, but to be deceptive about your abilities in order to win, although nothing new, is disgusting. How selfish it is to hog the limelight because your pathetic prissy ass ego cannot handle defeat. Like I said I am not the first person to see this, in fact it is common knowledge. Also, if a problem was graded a V5 and no holds broke off or were somehow added, then it is still a fucking V5. We all know it.

Funny

http://www.hulu.com/watch/40968/saturday-night-live-digital-short-ras-trent

Pretend

Pretend that we are dearest friends, that we would risk our own for each other. Share our successes and hold true to our words. Promises may go unfulfilled but not forgotten. It is obvious. There is little to remember.

Good God Get Your Fatass Shopping Cart Out of My Way!

So. You know who you are... you know, those fucks that decide "I must X-Mas shop right now so YOU do not exist." We have all been there, trying to pick up some things for dinner and then wham this fatass that should have never left the house is suddenly in your way because they think their dearly beloved must have a new set of floor mats for their gas hoggin SUV and all the while taking up the whole isle in case someone decides, "Hey, my dearly beloved needs floor mats too." God, and women are the worse because when you go shopping they eyeball you with this look of utter hate and for no good reason either. Perhaps I am mistaking this look and it is really the true, non computer generated look of stress because they know deep down inside that none of the things they buy for other people really is not good enough and will not make anyone truly happy. Except me because I like the shiny gift wrapping... none of that Santa Claus crap but the sparkly and glittery gift wrap. Damnit

A Story of RockTown

Once when the lower mountains and plains were covered with Water there lived a people of such greatness that the Great Spirit himself blessed them with his presence on many occasions. These people called themselves the Atalis and lived close by the Water on a sandy shelf called Ownrok or where present day RockTown is now located. The Atalis loved music, art, theater, and all the arts of the Earth so the Great Spirit called on them for entertainment and food when his brothers and sisters would visit from the other Universes. The Atalis were master builders and had such an eye for arcutectur that their public spaces and homes blended with the natural environment so well, the four leggers themselves could not tell where the village began. Atalis' were the best athletes and they had the fastest runners, swiftest swimmers, most cunning hunters, and the strongest wrestlers of the world. It was often said among the less favored tribes that the Atalis were a match for the god's themselves and it was said so often that the Dark Lord overheard. The Dark Lord, always wishing to destroy what he secretly envied, could not help but to formulate a plot to humiliate the Great Spirit and ruin the Atalis forever so when the Great Spirit's sister, Eternity, came to Earth the Dark Lord saw the perfect opportunity. The Dark Lord disguised himself as a beautiful women and joined the celebration for the Great Spirit and Eternity at Ownrok. The Dark Lord mingled with the crowd and caught the eye of every Atalian man in Ownrok and even managed to grab the attention of the Great Spirit himself, who was in a very lustful mood. The Great Spirit invited the young beauty to sit next to him and drink his wine. And drink they did, of course, the Dark Lord used some slight of hand so even the Great Spirit had trouble keeping up with this young woman but that did not stop him from trying. In a few hours the Great Spirit was totally drunk and with the wine nearly gone and the celebration almost complete, the Dark Lord began to talk about how strong and mighty the Atalis were and how there was not a god in heaven that could beat an Atalis. This had the desired affect on the Great Spirit and he became so enraged with his own pride that called forth the strongest wrestler for a match right then and there. The Great Spirit entered the ring and ordered the sober wrestler to put up his best fight. The Great Spirit put forth a valiant effort but was so drunk he easily fell and was pinned by the mighty Atalian. The Great Spirit decided that perhaps wrestling was not his best sport so he called forth the fastest runner and challenged her to a race through the forest. Again the Great Spirit tried his best but because of his consumption he could not stop stumbling so he lost once more to a lean Atalian. The Great Spirit was nearly at a loss, when the Dark Lord suggested, in his womanly attire, to challenge the swiftest swimmer to a race. So the Great Spirit called forth the swiftest swimmer and ordered him to get ready for the swim of his life. While the Atalian swimmer was warming up the Great Spirit was trying to undress from his bulky furs on the shore and that is when the nearby Dark Lord tripped the Great Spirit, who fell into the water while his fur was over his eyes. This took the large audience by surprise, for they did not see what the beautiful woman had done, and they all fell into raucous laughter. The Great Spirit, still drunk, became so angry that he called forth the Water and destroyed the Atalis and ruined Ownrok. Eternity, who had watched the whole thing, was so ashamed by her brother's actions, she vowed never to return to Earth again. To this day you can see the remains of the buildings and homes of the Atalis and it is a somber reminder that it is never a choice to win when competing with the gods.

A Story of the First Romance

Before the brothers and sisters of the earth were created, there was only the elements and among these elements was Father Stone, for his true name was and still is long forgotten. Father Stone broke free from his mother when, the great liberator, Water first washed through the valleys, down the mountains, into the plains, and through the hollows. The Great Spirt was pleased by this and allowed Stone and Water to make their homes where ever they saw fit. Stone, seeing his power and knowing his purpose, picked places of great stability and natural wealth for his rest. But one day when his task was almost complete, Father Stone, noticed up above him the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, The Great Mother, ruler of the Sky. Father Stone fell instantly in love with the Great Mother and began to create great mountains, pillars, and stackings of Rock in order to reach is love. He called forth the volcanoes in order to help him in his quest to reach the Great Mother but the volcano's eruptions caused such a stir and warmed the air to such a degree that the Great Mother could not help but to notice. She came down from the sky to the site where Father Stone had been creating and simply confronted Father Stone on what he was doing and of course Father Stone told the Great Mother of his love and how he wanted his Rock to touch her Sky and how he wanted to become entangled in her clouds, etc. etc... The Great Mother was so moved by his love that she and Father Stone soon began a love affair of such passion and heated love making that there was not a day that passed where The Great Mother and Father Stone were not together. This did not go un-noticed and The Great Spirit became so enraged and jealous that the Great Mother did not show him the same affection, he decided to take action and cast a great spell that froze Father Stone for all seasons of light. (In fact, you can still see Father Stone waiting for the Great Mother at a place called Chimney Rock.) The Great Mother was so upset by the Great Spirit's actions that she never spoke to him again. Sometimes she longs for her lover so overwhelmingly that she wills her clouds around Father Stone's creations and kisses the mountains for years, days, or hours on end wishing for his return.

The Ad

I am going to put up an ad on Craigslist for a new family. Hopefully I will have one by Christmas so I will not have to suffer through another, "Hey, you really don't matter but here are some gifts that were really just another chore to get" year. Perhaps this new family will invite me on vacation or would make me dinner. I don't see who wouldn't want a well mannered, intelligent, and ambitious 24 year old perspective law student added to their family... well perhaps mine wouldn't but I'm sure there has to be other people out there willing to let someone become a member of their family with no hesitation. It is no exaggeration and there is no excuse besides pure selfishness. If wanting people to truly care about you, send you a fucking birthday card and be willing to share what they have equally with you is selfish then put me in that basket too, we can all go to hell together.

Got Boogers?

You know your going crazy when you want to put your boogers on the propane lantern and see if they sizzle. Being hurt is very very frustrating so you start thinking about things such as frying boogers or how everyone should climb naked in order to give you an advantage... Yep, nothing like the sour taste of humble pie and to make it worse being hurt prohibits you from doing the thing you love to the maximum of your capabilities because you let all your muscle mass atrophy and now your starting from square one and it seems like everyone else has all the squares and the circles and the triangles and basically the whole damn fort... and they even get to knock it over too. Shit. I want to knock over all the blocks! This is so frustrating... I wish rocks could burn.

The Whispering Boulders and their Creation

Long after the first rain and the jumping of the Rabbit, the Dark Lord fought many battles with his various opponents and enemies. The Dark Lord, who would often win by the most devious methods, found great pleasure in keeping the spirits of his fallen enemies and thus ensuring that they would never return to the Earth. But the number of the Dark Lord's enemies grew so great that he began to find it very difficult to keep them from escaping. He tried the trees but discovered that walking through the forest became far too difficult with giant branches swinging at this head. He tried the creeks but soon it became clear that water traveled in a great cycle and he often found his vision obstructed by fog and clouds. The Dark Lord also came very close to drowning due to his mistake. He tried other animals but constantly feared their escape and could not sleep for many years. The Dark Lord grew so depressed by the lack of sleep and the constant worry that he went on a long walk. He walked and walked until he finally realized that he was where the Life Tree once stood, the site of his biggest failure. The Dark Lord became mad with rage and began throwing a terrible temper tantrum and stepped down from the rock face to where the boulders rested. He was so distracted that he stepped on one of the loose boulders and it slipped right out from under his foot, causing him to fall right on his rear end. The Dark Lord was completely surprised and found his rage had turned to total embarrassment. He picked up the boulder that had given way and threw it but noticed how it did not break, it did not have branches, and it was large enough to ensure that it could not move on its own. The Dark Lord, although hateful and selfish, was not without reason and he quickly decided to keep the spirits of his enemies trapped within the rocks below the cliff face. It will take many centuries for the Dark Lord to capture all of his enemy's spirits but sure enough the Dark Lord has placed most of them in the boulders below where the Life Tree once stood and to this day, especially at night when the moon is hiding, you can hear his opponents whisper to one another and tell the stories of their lives, their defeats, and how they will one day escape to seek their revenge.

The Story of the Rabbit on the Moon

Back when the bamboo grew so think that it blocked the sun for miles, there lived a Rabbit who could make the best moo-shoo in the world. One day Rabbit was just finishing up a batch of his moo-shoo when Bear came to the door of his den. Bear asked Rabbit if he could have the moo-shoo but Rabbit was very hungry and only made enough for himself. Knowing that Bear would not leave until he had gotten his way, Rabbit went out the back door of his den and ran into the forest. Rabbit thinking that he would finally get to eat his moo-shoo settled down but it was not long before a Fox came and asked Rabbit for his moo-shoo. Rabbit, seeing how hungry the Fox was, did not hesitate to tell the Fox that there was a whole wok of moo-shoo back in his den and that he should help himself. Fox quickly ran off to Rabbit's den and the Rabbit and his moo-shoo, both nearly escaping being eaten, ran off further into the forest. But poor Rabbit continued to encounter more and more animals who wanted to eat his moo-shoo. Rabbit was approached by a Rat, Eagle, Tiger, Lion, Panda, Monkey, Parana, Snail, Horse, Bat, Dragons, Birds of all sorts, Unicorns, and Faeries. Rabbit continued to escape each one by sending them all back to his den but no matter were he went there always seemed to be someone who wanted to eat his moo-shoo. Rabbit was so sick of being bothered and since he was so hungry and only had enough moo-shoo for himself, he decided to trek up the highest mountain, in order to escape the others. But his plight did not end on the mountain. There he was approached by Goat, Mountain Sheep, a Lonely Hermit, a Monk, and even a Yettie! But Rabbit escaped each one by saying that there was more moo-shoo back at his den and they should all help themselves. After awhile, Rabbit thought that he had escaped and at this point Rabbit was on the very top of the highest mountain and the sun slowly began to set. But Rabbit looked below him before it became completely dark and noticed that all the animals that had wanted to eat his moo-shoo had all figured out there was none left and were coming after him. So Rabbit, almost losing hope that he would never get to eat his dinner, made the biggest jump he had ever made in his whole life or anyone of his kind had ever made, and jumped straight for the moon on the horizon. So now when you look at the moon, especially when it is full, you can see Rabbit with is box of moo-shoo and chop sticks, finally enjoying his dinner.

Long Underwear

Went into Walmart last week to buy mantels and another propane lantern with my sexy boyfriend. I would not have gone to Walmart but it was the only place open and if there was an outdoor store open the trip would have taken much longer due to my climbing gear junkiness So we are standing in the in the outdoor section, talking about fishing, and I pick up a pair of the long underwear pants, thinking to myself that it will be cold tonight... I don't want to be one of those dumb bitches that wears skimpy clothing in the winter and then complains about being cold. Stupid. Anyway, out of the corner of my eye I see the little girl that used to live next door to me and my ex-boyfriend. She saved my life with one tiny scream when he chocked me on our back porch. I turned to look at her but she was gone. I do not think I could have said anything to her anyway which makes me a total coward.

The Story of Rumbling Bald, the First Rain, and the Beginning of Trees

Once many many seasons ago, the Great Mother had a beloved friend called the Life Tree. This Tree lived at the top of what is now known as Rumbling Bald and had buried its roots deep into the rock to get the water far below the ground. The Life Tree knew all there was to know in the universe and this is the main reason why the Great Mother befriended this mysterious tree. The Great Mother would come from the sky every full moon and sit in the Life Tree's branches and together they would have the longest conversations of that time. Seeing as how knowledge was such a rare gift in the beginning, for there was not much of it, the Dark Lord, who wanted all things for his own, sought out the Life Tree. The Dark Lord begged the Life Tree to reveal all of its knowledge so that he may control the universe. Life Tree refused to give the Dark Lord any knowledge for it knew the nature of evil. The Dark Lord pleaded, bullied, threatened, and cried before the Life Tree, but the Life Tree still refused. The Dark Lord knowing that the Life Tree would never share its knowledge, began to rip every branch from the Tree until all that was left was the trunk, which slowly began to die. The next full moon the Great Mother came to visit her dearest friend, only to discover that the Life Tree was dead. The Great Mother was so upset by the loss of her friend that she began to cry and her tears fell from the sky onto the earth and the water ran into every crack that the Life Tree had created with its roots. The water was so powerful that it widened the cracks until it had loosened the boulders from the cliff side and they all began to fall. The Great Mother, still in mourning for her friend, created a smaller and far less talkative versions of the Life Tree and allowed them to flourish all over the earth and to this day whenever the Great Mother is reminded of the Life Tree, which is quiet often, her tears become the rain.

A Story of HorsePens

Brother Horse was once a great trickster and was known for playing some of the funniest, most shocking, and sometimes cruelest jokes on his brothers and sisters of the forest. One day Brother Horse played a especially cruel joke on Brother Bear and poor Brother Bear was so humiliated that he vowed to seek revenge on Brother Horse. The months that followed Brother Bear would watch Brother Horse to see when an opportunity would arise for his revenge and lo and behold that day did come. Brother Horse was wandering around the top of a mountain, looking for materials for his next great hoax, but the heat of the day tired out Brother Horse so he took a nap. While Brother Horse was sleeping, Brother Bear, who was very very strong, moved the boulders from the hillside around Brother Horse. When Brother Horse awoke he was so startled by the huge boulders around him that he instantly became disoriented and no matter how hard he tried he could not find his way out of the boulders. Brother Horse cried for help for hours and Brother Bear laughed the whole way back to his den, still hearing Brother Horse's cries for help. But luckily for Brother Horse, a lonesome two legger heard Brother Horse and came to help him. Brother Horse was so desperate for help that he did not fear the two legger and allowed this man to help him. The two legger guided Brother Horse from the boulder field and from that day on Brother Horse, fearing that his other brothers and sisters would also seek revenge, became best friends and the companion of men.

Those People

Aggravation. I want to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes, drink a pint of Jameson, and take multiple bong rips all at one time. It feels like I'm constantly fighting but honestly this environment is enough to make anyone go completely mad. I wish I were the shark rather than the seaweed. The shark is not concerned with what the weather is, how the family is doing, or how to make it through the winter without sever depression. The shark does not need to eat a woman's leg but does because its there, in the backyard. The shark has no remorse, no second guesses, and no regrets. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8oLFTc0rDk&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=3&feature=player_embedded http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XCWT-tBLnD8&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=3&feature=player_embedded

Uh...Stuck Pig

Feeling too selfish, worried, anxious, and bloated to give a shit. I threw a catnip mouse into the air and if my cat knocked it one way then I would vote for a certain ivy man. If she knocked it the other then I would vote for a war monger. Goodness, even my cat knows Nader is not an option. Later that day... Obama aka the Antichrist in some circles...

Dear Chris S.

Dearest Chris, I did not see you at Horse Pens but I knew you were there because I heard the cheerleaders talking about your supreme almighty climbing ability. I am so envious, I am greener than the wicked witch. It is no wonder that you do not have the ability to have an intelligent conversation because your gray matter is so consumed with defying gravity. Forgive me for being insensitive but if you think "becoming one with the rock bro" is a suitable reason for climbing V nasties or 5.scaries then fuck you. Clearly, I get off on beating myself up which is far superior to letting someone else beat me up. Watching your videos makes me want to punch myself in the face...so by now I am shooting blanks. Damn you Sharma. I'm such a hater. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KGjjswC_PQ&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=3&feature=player_embedded

Count Down to total Humbling Humiliation

Driving on Halloween... going further into the beast that is the dirty south. Picture rocks once used as a natural horse pen and battle fortification for hundreds of years. (Plus a vista you don't have to hike uphill too!) Needless to say, I am leaving the fluorite at home and should pick up some sage because this place is fucking creepy. The dreams alone were enough to prove how much blood a simple arrow wound could spill. "Them Ingunns are sneeky and you'd best be wise'n stay away frum therr." Running on lose sand is so hard.

In the ’Think’ of Things

If you were waging a battle and from your defenses you saw your allies colors riding to your enemy without approval or fore-mention, what would you think? Especially, if a disagreement or confrontation occurred previously over tactics earlier that day. Is this evidence coincidental? Or is it a direct threat and therefore a clear indication that your supposed ally is going to shift the battle to your enemies favor? How would you know? But most importantly, wouldn't your ally know better? Wouldn't your ally know that is a good way to be poisoned at dinner for treason? Or have their throat slit in the middle of the night? Such things do not go unnoticed and it is never wise to assume that a mask of naïvety will save anyone from the consequences of their actions. That sort of ignorance is nothing but assured deterioration.

Intellectual Ejaculation

What could I write that would truly impress you? Honestly, I cannot think of a single goddam thing. I could write about riding my bike into a lake... on accident or how I fell into a dank pool of mosquito larva... on accident. Or about how condoms make the best fucking water balloons ever (ha! get it) or how my cat has gotten fat enough to not want to clean her ass... Instead, I will write about the nature of truth. When someone says something hurtful it just might be the truth rearing its ugly head in your face. But, no doubt, the truth is not the only thing thats hurtful. In fact, some of the most hurtful things are those that are the farthest from the truth and your thinking to yourself "Man, how could this person totally misinterpret everything I said or did?" Shit. Clearly, the fan is on and it just blew your plan all over the place. Someone foiled the plot and put it in the oven at 350 for and hour and a half then used a dull knife to serve out each portion and that person was none other than yourself. You did it! Guilty as charged but that is what you get for plotting because instead of trying to drag the truth out of others with some crack pot scam, you should have been the one to lay it on the table and say "It just small because its cold in here."

Thinks I am thankful for

1. Boulders 2. Sunshine 3. Ponies 4. My Granny 5. My Uncle 6. Food 7. Clean Water 8. Coffee 9. Ninja license 10. Indoor plumbing 11. Warmth 12. Caulk 13. Tape 14. Not being here 15. Stupid people

Who do YOU think you ARE?

Please let me bend over backwards and give you all the things you clearly don't deserve. My land, my music, my last breath, my anytime minutes, my time and my perverted form of freedom. What more could you need but to listen to my ring-back tone at 3:00am in the morning or at 8:21pm? It is funny because one person can barely keep a secret but with two people it is nearly impossible so what makes you think you will pull one over on me, of all people. I'll just remind you that your wasting YOUR time, not mine.

"The Kingdon of the Horse" by H.-H. Isenbart & E.M. Buhrer

Page 68 The Hindus may really have been the first tamers of horses. We find grandiose poetic presentations of horses in their mythology. The Hindus made the horse the symbol of Viradsh, the vital forces which rule all parts of the animated world. In this symbol the whole of man's known world is represented by the various parts of the horse's body: The head represents the morning; The eyes signify the sun; The open mouth designates natural warmth; The entire body stands for the whole year; The limbs are the seasons; The joints of the limbs denote the months; The flesh suggests the clouds; The mane indicates the trees; The back of the horse is paradise; The bones are the fixed stars; The blood vessels stand for the oceans; The spleen and the liver represent the mountains; His yawn is lightning; His froth represents the thunder; His dampness suggests the rain, and His neigh suggests speech.

P is for Palin or PIG

Palin. I dislike you so much. In fact, I thought John would have made me hate him so much by now that there would be nothing left but that is not the case. With you in the picture, Palin, I have only sympathy for John and shear disgust for you. Your $150,000 makeover only proves one thing... your a fucking PIG at heart. (http://www.msplinks.com/MDFodHRwOi8vbmV3cy5iYmMuY28udWsvMi9oaS9hbWVyaWNhcy83Njg1MDY3LnN0bQ==) How could you criticize your opponent as being from the big city when your family, although from a small town, has enough money to back your twisted campaign for governor? I wonder if it would cost "Joe Six-Pack" $150,000 to look as good as you? Shit that would be lifetimes worth of beer to some 'average' american. I cannot believe you just took that money from a party that you share nothing in common with, you fucking neoconservative, instead of donating it to the "Joe Six-Pack" beer fund. It has become very clear that Palin simply stands for PIG. Henious Bitch.

The KKK

Am I the one to put it simply enough for you to understand that the KKK is full of the most pasty, unattractive, fat, and ignorant motherfuckers to ever exist. You can put your faith in me that if shit ever hits the fan in America, the first people that will suffer from my own hand will be these supposed true Christian believers. They have more guns than we do, they have more firearm training, and they even have valuable ammunition supplies. They should not be allowed to proliferate an unsecured state, gathering the fearful and using their power to garner an army of very dangerous spineless bitches. In the art of war, it is important to eliminate your strongest enemy first. I cannot wait to see those sheets burn on their own stock pile of fiery crosses. I think it is something worth polluting the atmosphere for and just because you have a loud speaker does not mean you are right, it means that our country is gracious enough to let stupid fucks have an extension cord.

Hate Fest 5000: The End

Have no fear the hate is still there but in a somewhat less concentrated form of evil. Not fresh squeezed but harvested and boiled down with MSG. There are a few more topics that need to be touched but not felt so once again a list will be made and one by one each remaining remark will be mixed with the atmosphere and might have the extreme pleasure of falling somewhere close to you, Rob Roy. My books in boxes, Living out of baskets, My cat fighting , Losing things, Not having anyone to let down, Loud nosies, Arguing , Paying rent, People that think I'm weird , Roadkill , The Stock Market, Americans, Zionists or Pro Israelis, Anti Castros, Neoconservatives, Taliban, Pro Chinese, Bible beaters, Anarchist, Stupid Women, Angry Men, Idealists, Old Rich White Men, Snotty Golfers, Drunks, Bartenders that "think" they are hot shit, Anti Birth Control Catholics, Pro death sentence yet Anti Pro Choice, Young People, Thugs, Animal Abusers, Hard Asses, Not Knowing Things, Money, Backstabbers, Generosity with a price tag, Debt, Mainstream Rap Music or Mainstream anything, and most Humans. Alright.

Oh Shit, here comes the new old people

Have not taken a crap in 3 days so I'm drinking prune juice. I might be the youngest person to ever buy prune juice. If you ever go to the juice section of your local grocery store you will find that it is located in the old people section. In fact, I think they should take all old people products and put them on a special isle so you don't have to maneuver around the carts that these old people just so conveniently leave in the middle of the isle. Even if these older people had a special isle I would still have to go there to get prune juice, like tonight, and almost knock over some poor liver spotted old man. I think the only reason why I have not taken a crap is because my asshole has been puckered so much this weekend out of the shear fear of climbing. My boyfriend would ask, "What is that noise?" when the rope would creak and I would "calmly" explain that it was my asshole getting tighter. By the way, this is by no means appropriate, but I like my new boyfriend a lot. He is very nice and does not kick and scream too much when I fart around him. It is simply magical.

Me&Santa

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XOM31TpsJg&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=4&feature=player_embedded

Hate Fest 5000: A warning to the Betrayers

A couple more Hate Fests and most things will be said, damage will be wrought, and things will continue as usual. Perhaps these messages made it through your thick heads and you will be all the wiser or they will be like water on a duck's ass. Shit. There I go with the similes. Alright, now for the business at hand. YOU MOTHER FUCKERS! How could you trick me into thinking you were descent people and then come over to MY HOME and be disrespectful to ME. How could you sit there with my abusive ex and play cards in my home that I paid rent for and MY family put the deposit on, only to get fucking shit faced, do drugs, keep me up late after I asked several times to just please be quiet or go somewhere else. Then the fifth fucking time I ask you fucking spineless shit heads to be quiet and finally put my foot down, NO ONE came to my defense. NO ONE did anything. You are all fucking lucky I did not pull the fucking 9 out of the closet and shoot your fat fucking beloved friend right in the head. You are lucky I simply turned over that god damn card table because my other options would have involved blood splatters, broken chairs, or asphyxiation. You all should realize that you walked away that night with your fucking sorry ass skins but you forgot one major thing... you FUCKING LEFT MY ABUSIVE EX THERE, FOR ME TO DEAL WITH when you SPINELESS FUCKS LEFT. So do not be surprised when you see me walking down the street and a dark shadow is by my side. Believe you me, stupid fucks, you will get yours and I will not have to do a god damn thing. I have the universe on my side. Fucking losers.

Hate Fest 5000: Doubt

I hate doubting other people and I despise doubting myself. I do it all the time. Doubt is like a donut...it seems like something is on the outside but nothing is on the inside. Doubt is bracing ones self for failure which is absolutely terrifying. It is worst than any haunted house, especially the ones with chainsaws... I fucking hate chainsaws. Doubt and chainsaws have a lot in common, clearly both remove any limbs of self importance or self worth but it will not touch self loathing. God if I were a better writer I would not need so many shitty metaphors to convey my point. I need sleep.

Hate Fest 5000: Climbing

The worst of the love & hate. Fuck this fucking sport and everything that goes hand and hand. Fuck gravity, fuck ropes, fuck shoes, fuck bitches sizing me up, fuck peeling skin off my hands, fuck falling, fuck crash pads, fuck chalk, and fuck the approach. Repeatedly washing these shreds of dignity and hanging them out on a v3 or 50m 10.2mm endura dry until they are thread bare. Fuck being humbled every fucking time and simply over some cliff face rubble. (The shit that was not strong enough to stay on the damn mountain.) Who ever invented this sport/lifestyle should be punished with a lifetime of rope burns and approaches that never end. Fuck being watched, fuck being told beta, and fuck people that say shit is easy, all there, or "do" able. Those stupid rocks should just get it over with and turn to sand and soil. Stop taunting me damn it and luring me into more bizarre areas, more shitty falls, and more tendonitis, scraped elbows, knees, ankles, and whatever skin that cannot remain hidden. Fuck shitty spotters, distracted belayers, and backbones. Fuck sit ups, push ups and going to the gym and subjecting myself to the realization that I fucking suck. Shit.

Hate Fest 5000: The Big Dog Syndrome

When I feel uncomfortable, out numbered, or left with no options, the big dog syndrome revels itself. This is the moment where my hair stands on end and teeth start to show. Maniacal laughter will sometimes rip from my vocal cords and I swear it is like someone making themselves at home in a concentration camp. Drinking cocktails and lounging on barbed wire. Sometimes when I seem most relaxed is when I am the least comfortable because it truly is a fucking act. The big dog does not run with its tail between its legs, does not roll over and piss itself, and the big dog always keeps its back to the corner. You will see this mangy mutt in the climbing gym full of guys, the weight room, the park bench alone, the movie store, the restaurant (seat for one please), the music venue, and the night walk to the car. The switch is flipped and the neon sign says, "DO NOT FUCK WITH ME."

Hate Fest 5000: Young White People

Went to see Atmosphere, which was one of the better shows at the Orange Peel so far but the crowd was far from cool. In fact, I thought I was going to beat the shit out of several stupid ass kids due to their inability to practice some common fucking sense and NOT fuck with me, my friend, or my boyfriend. I'm sorry your white and cannot dance. And the only fashion statement white people contributed to the world is the perfection of the sport coat with jeans and socks with sandals so you have to steal other peoples. I'm sorry you think dancing is throwing your arm in the air or jumping around like a dumb ass. Shit. I'm even sorry you have no ability to realize that you are not the center of fucking attention and do not deserve the opportunity to step on and push me, my friend, and boyfriend because you think your fat ass and your STD carrying girlfriend need to be closer to the one called Atmosphere. And if you think yelling "That's my boy!" is somehow giving props then fuck you and your lack of originality. Shit heads.

Hate Fest 5000: The ex’s

Stupid bitches, I have defended you for long enough but since it is now evident that I hate myself, I can really say what is on my mind. In fact, my self-loathing is even worse due to the idea that I ever dated any of you so that is why I must "go there". Here is the list and all or some of these may apply to you malicious bitches. If you must question, "Really, does that apply to me??" Then play it safe and just assume it does. 1. Bad teeth 2. Stupid 3. Not as smart as me 4. Skinny 5. Pale 6. Weak 7. Falling down in the river and getting hypothermia 8. Bitching on a 5 mile hike 9. Can't fish 10. Throwing darts at me 11. Leaving me for your ugly, stupid, and boring "ex-girlfriend" 12. No common sense 13. Cannot change the oil or tire on your car 14. Stupid fucking unoriginal hippie music 15. Getting all bitchy when I hung out with my guy friends 16. Twisting your ankle and making me carry/drag you out 17. Being a cunt when I was depressed 18. Spiteful motherfucker 19. Never inviting me to the football games 20. Getting nervous to be seen with me in public 21. Glass-head syndrome 22. Spinelessness 23. Sleeping with other people and pretending like I would be too stupid not to know 24. Talking shit behind my back 25. Never wanting to do anything I enjoyed 26. Not getting me off... ever 27. Rubbing your friends in my face 28. Playing video games when I would come an visit you 29. Sleeping around when my skin would break out 30. Dropping out of college 31. Not paying me enough attention 32. Taking me for granted 33. Never encouraging me to be better 34. Blowing me off without calling 35. Walking out 36. Shitty taste in movies and/or music 37. Ignorance 38. Breaking up with me in a text message 39. Then trying to enlist my associates so you could get back with me 40. Pushing me down, giving me a concussion, and choking me.... Man this shit makes me rage. Oh believe me, if I see any of you bitches, I will be nothing but nice, except for the last one, but if anyone of you step out of line, I will fucking humiliate you and if you physically step out of line, may your bones break cleanly for the sake of your internal organs. Hateful Bitches.

Hate Fest 5000: Myself

I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I see my father's eyes and teeth. My mother's olive skin and dark eyebrows and my aunt's jaws and cheeks. My grandmother's nose and my grandfather's mouth. I hate the idea of becoming these people. I fear being bitter, selfish, depressed, angry, and just generally shitty. I hate the idea of being ignorant and yet justifying it by using alcohol, prescription pills, rubbing money in other peoples faces, or the same old stories that tell you absolutely nothing but are simply a means of garnering attention, like "Hey look at me, I thought I lived at one point in time." I cannot believe these people procreated. Should there not be laws against these type of people breeding? Just look at the mess they made. (Its ok, you can look to the left now.)

Hate Fest 5000: An Introduction

Seeing as how I am going to fully make an ass out of myself in the coming months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds; I've decided to write a series of blogs, for a lack of a better word, based around things that piss me off, people that make me mad, and the general spiteful thoughts that I cannot help but to have. I encourage all of you to ignore any blog with the subject titled Hate Fest 5000: etc. You will regret reading any of these blogs because you might see various contradictions, yourself, your family, your friends, and even me in many of these. They may piss you off, hurt your feelings or just make you say to yourself "Wow, this young woman is a total asshole." If you do not take this warning seriously then you better start erasing that lipstick kiss into a cat shit smear. (You know, just to prepare yourself.)

Still Trying it Out

I am having a hard time with controlling my big mouth. I fucking hate rock jocks and unfortunately I have been running into them more often than I thought I would. Here is how it went: Rock Jock: Wow! Its obvious you have not been climbing that long! Asshole: Huh? Yeah, I suppose so. It's funny. I have never seen you in Rock & Ice, or Urban Climbing, or even Blue Ridge Outdoors. Oh yeah, there was an article in National Geographic about Mountain Gorillas this month, but you were not in that either. I guess you can say we are in the same boat? Rock Jock: ..... Asshole: I'm sorry but what is your name again??? What is even worse is this fucking rock jock had the audacity to ask me for my phone number!! How charming! I just gave him the reject hotline (828 859 2905). God I am such an asshole.

Truly & Dearly

People are strange. If my motivations are my own, what of the others? Does someone else's motive need to be taken into account? Is assumption the key to self sabotage? If motive did not matter then the formulation of assumption would not exist. Is it better that way? If it takes two to tango then why do I dance so much better by myself? Why am I such an asshole and what makes me skeptical as a skeleton? Trying to strip those poor bones bare. Perhaps I am meant to be humbled, skinned alive, and put out to dry in some crappy ass fashion because I simply cannot control myself. Damn straight, I fucking deserve it because there has been no mass extinction yet. Fuck this shit.

The Worst Type of Hypocrite

A man was convicted in a court of law for raping a prostitute. I do not care to mention names, but an associate of mine, thinks that this fucking bastard did not deserve to be convicted because of this woman's profession. Honestly, what kind of logic is that? I don't care if a woman is walking down Main St. USA buck-ass naked, no one deserves to be raped. I have had friends of mine, both men and women, that have been seriously affected by sexual violence and it is simply heartbreaking. Those men and women that enter into prostitution often times do not have a choice but to sell their bodies. Some have serious drug addictions and no regular job can provide enough money to support their drug habits. When you think about it, a top notch lawyer with a drug habit is likely to provoke thoughts of sympathy or bewilderment but you add drug addiction to prostitution and it becomes common place, expected, and gains little thought or reaction. Anyway, this associate of mine, a classic bible beater, has the biggest, nastiest, and disturbing porn collection I have ever laid my eyes on in my whole life. Seriously, this guy has the grossest shit but has 50 bibles in his bookcase and pictures of white Jesus all over his house. Me, being the unbleached asshole that I am, did not fail to point out this blatant discontinuity in this motherfuckers narrow ass brain. Within the next few months I will be posting a special photo album of several notorious prostitutes here on the east coast and hopefully you will see what I see... the notch of hypocrisy in this belt. That bastard is lucky I did not beat the shit out of him with one of his ridiculously trashy Jesus pictures.

Mass Extinction and The Quest of Identity

Us mammals were once small and fuzzy little things in the days of the 'terrible lizard' but then something happened. These little creatures where forced by circumstance to change their role in the environment and eventually become the varied forms of life that currently inhabit this strange planet. No matter how much I would like to relate to this, I feel as though it is impossible. I find myself going back to old thought patterns, strange belief systems, and struggling to be fearless in the face of powerlessness. In the back of my head I am saying to myself, "I cannot make you like me, but I sure as hell can make you hate me." This den sure is dirty and the larger animals cannot help but to smell it, so what is a tarnished girl to do? Perhaps, I can run away?

To Compete

This is such a bad idea. I am going to make the biggest fool of myself. I climb like a dog trying to run on a hardwood floor.

Dreams

Dreamt about climbing and making things far more difficult for myself. Seemingly easy routs that simply seemed impossible to climb. Difficulty breathing and extreme fall potential around protection. Harness did not seem to fit right and could not see belayer. Hands very slippery and I could hear incessant mariachi band music. I just kept thinking about how much I wanted to finish the route so I could go to Kentucky Fried Chicken for some original recipe. I have no idea what this means.

Why I hate everyone right now.

Good old aunt FLow, that stupid raging bitch just has to impede on my mental and physical stability every month. Did you know that women are more likely to suffer an injury a little before they get their period but I think I am more likely to injure someone else. Seriously. Clearly people do not understand that sometimes it takes ALL of my energy not to rip someone a new asshole in a very brutal way. Like when I am driving, for example, it is not a good idea to fuck with me and it is obvious by my car that I do not give a shit. In fact, the other night some asshole was riding my ass so I made sure to block that fucker in so they could not pass me, which is a dick head thing to do but I felt as though I was justified. Especially when they were talking on their cell phone and would not let a beautiful road biker have a good sized portion of the right hand lane. To top it all off this weaker specimen of a man was driving a big ass SUV so fuck him. He was so mad by the time 20 miles were past that I'm sure he could have shit himself and honestly I could not have been happier. I laughed all the way home and little while lying in bed because lets just face it, I am the unbleached asshole of your dreams.

It is OK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWzQt6qPBBQ&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=5&feature=player_embedded I am terrified of everything especially falling, failing, and fucking around. I suppose even the best fall, fail, and well, fuck around.

Please Homes

You would not have any clue what is going on my head. I still walk with my shoulders squared to the world and my head up. I still make fun of people in the back of my mind and flick fingers or cigarets at Hummers. I do not compare myself to some fake son of god or imagine myself as being better than I am because all that matters is that I am still fucking better than you. I'm stronger, smarter, and can fight better than you. Geez, the audacity of some people, right? Don't be a fool kid, I'm on my fucking period and this shit is a scab that needs pickin.

OSHNF Neglect

What would it be like to be equal? To be something other than last? I guess I would have pictures in frames rather than slung in boxes. I would get hugs on a daily basis and my birthday would be a special occasion, not like when I was 10 and everyone rushed back to their bedrooms to watch tv. I think I would rather catch my cake on fire than to be left crying in it, alone. I might be older but these things still hurt. Would it be any different if I belonged to a family? I used to, in a sense, and the only difference is that people waited until you were in the Xmas card picture. Other than that I suppose it is no different, really I would not know. I guess it is better than empty remarks that give you a false sense of 'wow, I belong and I'm going to be treated like I do' or 'I finally matter' According to some phycologist neglect is actually more devastating and has longer term affects than physical abuse and I think to a certain degree they are right. If it where physical abuse I had to endure, at least I could beat the shit out of them instead of just being ignored or having some bullshit thrown in my face about how I am not so and so's offspring and clearly I DO NOT MATTER. I wonder if Joseph acted like that towards Jesus? Kind of funny when you think about it because those same people that say those terrible things always have the worst luck, medically and spiritually, which is no good in the short term, because all they care about is money. If I do die, I hope they don't get the insurance money.

What is Poverty?

Is it going to bed at night hungry? Is it not being able to afford medical care? Is it being cold during the winter? Not being able to drink your well water? Is it not having a nice car or nice shoes? What makes poverty so poor or what attributes make up poverty? Dirt floors, outhouses, and chickens running under the bed is not poverty. In fact, besides hunger and poor health, a lack of aspiration, a degraded environment, and ethnocentrism are the main propionates of poverty. Some dumb shit in the suburbs might dare to think (no pun intended) that my earlier life was submerged in what is classically considered poverty but they did not see or hear what went on down the holler or on top of the mountains. Take this opportunity to go check out my picture of the strip mine behind my first school. What type of poverty do you think that alleviates? Can you really make yourself believe that money will cure this disease called poverty? (If I could write better I would not ask so many rhetorical questions.)

A stamp is a stamp

I remember being a child and playing lawyer. Of course I could not say lawyer due to my country accent so I said lawger. My mom gave me the leftover food stamps so I could put them on envelopes in order to send updates to my imaginary clients, GI Joe and Teddy Ruxpen, who where both wrongfully accused of fraud/murder/treason. God knows what crime Barbie committed but I'm sure it was a misdemeanor.

A stamp is a stamp

I remember being a child and playing lawyer. Of course I could not say lawyer due to my country accent so I said lawger. My mom gave me the leftover food stamps so I could put them on envelopes in order to send updates to my imaginary clients, GI Joe and Teddy Ruxpen, who where both wrongfully accused of fraud/murder/treason. God knows what crime Barbie committed but I'm sure it was a misdemeanor.

If I had a...

Real family well things would be a lot different. They would love me and show it. Perhaps it is just too much to ask or I am truly meant to fail. If I were to die today all they would care about is the life insurance policy.

The NSB

God I'm going crazy. Stark raving mad. Like I am being driven by some old perverted man in short, tight, checkered golf pants that has a serious sweet tooth and likes pretty things.

Stickers

We have these stickers on the windows to our soul. I have tried to remove mine. They include such fabulous labels as, Idiot, White Trash, Bitch, Whitey, Cunt, Stupid, Woman, Dumbass, Arrogant, Weak, Inadequate, etc. I have scraped, wiped, and scrubbed but they have left this residue that makes my vision blurry and not trust worthy. Not just anyone is willing to hurt you but without good vision, how would you know? Is it worth the risk and if so how do you prevent yourself from seeing old optical illusions?

Torture

SHIT. Now I have experienced that feeling before, you know the one, where your stomach just seems to knot up and then it feels like all the blood rushes from your head and your swearing to yourself that if you can just keep a straight face they will have no idea how much power they have over you. Damn it. And then you feel that sly smile creeping up on your face and your like SHIT, straight face.... straight face! But your heart is still pumping a million miles per minute and your wondering if they can hear it. SHIT. Can they? I have felt this way Several times, but then the stupid bastard will ruin it and then you want to just backhand them but you say something pretty rude instead. Hell, we all know actions speak louder than words. Even worse than this feeling though, is being around someone you dare not touch because you know what your intentions are and they are petty, shallow, and vulgar. BUT you still want too. You can smell them when they are standing next to you and you just want to roll around in it like a dog. Then grab em and well... you get the picture. I simply cannot bring myself to do it because I am not in the right place and once again the intent is just all wrong. It would be like 1st degree murder as opposed to manslaughter. SHIT.

A Fool’s Progress

Oh, Edward Abbey you are my heart. Everything you wrote is the oxygen in my blood, my cup of coffee by the campfire, that perfect hand crack, the sunshine while its raining, better than any lover or any friend. Henry Lightcap, speaks the story of my soul and my mind. Never have I read something and literally cried because of the shear similarities between myself and this incredibly flawed character. Of course, I cannot relate to having a child but I can relate to overwhelming responsibility that has not been taken on. If I could sit for 15 minutes with Edward Abbey in the flesh I would be wiser. If I could talk to Edward Abbey for 15 minutes I would die of an aneurism and if I could play cards with Abbey I would fold every hand because he would know my mind all too well. If Edward Abbey where here on this god awful day well he would take after Lightcap and shoot his refrigerator. There is something devious about causing instability in a country clearly prone to such conditions (due to our senseless application of our nation-state model. Abbey would not agree with such foolishness because the land is the land and that is that.) If all these people decide to kill each other off then we have the opportunity to build a "nation". But what of the land and the people that are the land? Do you think they would say if they had a choice "I come from Iraq or I come from the desert or such and such tribe/family." Edward Abbey said "The tragedy of modern war is that the young men die fighting each other - instead of their real enemies back home in the capitals." All these kids are being manipulated by the same type of people, people that only want the power to make others conform to their standards, their rules, and their beliefs. Let us gather around and ask the collective conscience to grant everyone the ability to burn through this propaganda, break down these walls, and breath.

S 15

1. Ammunitions expert 2. 3 people that can run 10 miles flat out 3. Surgeon 4. General Doctor 5. Veterinarian 6. Agriculturist 7. Tactics expert/Navigation 8. Sailor 9. Small and large engine expert 10. General survivalist 11. Materials requisitions 12. Linguist 13. Trainer (Man, gravity is a bitch.) See, I knew you would come around.

Alright already you have a point

We all know what an asshole I am. I mean look at me, over there on the right, its OK, go ahead and look. Now imagine someone that rides a mountain bike in the city with a cigarette in their mouth. Someone that will take that bike and ride it along H3's and flick them off. Imagine someone that has thrown, broken, and mangled many a golf club under pressure. Someone that holds a grudge but does not act it out until provoked. I mean basically what your dealing with here is a total hypocritical lunatic. Not only that but this lunatic is gathering their forces around them, in order to insure their survival when the shit hits the fan. So, with survival in mind, what side are you on? The living side, the dying side, or the pussy side. We watched the moon come up from the roof while sipping on moonshine, do you remember that? No, really stop making excuses, you know you want to be my friend or you would not be reading this.

I would wear a burqa, brother

We have known each other for little under a decade. Out of them all, only one stands so why not two? I would do everything in my power not to make your girlfriend jealous, mean, or insecure. I would not talk about anything that would make me seem cooler than her. In fact, I could communicate in grunts and head nods just so we could go fishin, bug catchin, and biking. Our relationship was never physical so is it my physical being that is the threat to your stability? Is there something deep seated in your soul that has the the clutch, the cookie jar, the boogers and tells you to stay away from me? We live so close but have never been so far. Is it me, you, or her? I know this shit is corny as a cucumber but there will come a time when solid people will need each other. There will be others trying to bust down your door and steal your guns, ammo, clean water, food, and medicine. (Those people might even try to eat your dog.) So it is up to you because it really is out of my hands. I will be kind enough to remind you that it is not about the present, but about the future. Bless you, whatever path you choose.

Bigger and Better

I'm at the gym lifting weights and I cannot help but to notice this group of kids all looking at themselves in the mirror. I am like "Damn let a sister get in there and check herself out too." Stupid kids, learn how to train properly. I know I'm harsh but I have the freedom of thought. I can say the most crude, rude, and degrading things in my head. When I have to put myself in check, I think about playing football with a mailbox. These are my letters of sanity, take them as they are because if I did not write these things I would surly say what I am thinking or worse "do" what I am thinking. Imagine how that would be? And it is funny because the more I make fun of other people, the more I batter myself, the more extreme I am, the more I ride that tall horse to that pedestal, the more you read. So the real question here is are you more fucked up than me? Do you feel that there is some sort of lesson to be learned by my intellectual, emotional, and sometimes egotistical ejaculation? What is it exactly that draws you to this side of the internet? You know, there are far more entertaining things on the web than this and there are better things to be doing with your time, like masturbating or choosing a new brand of tampon. How about baking a cake or looking at yourself in the mirror? If you do decide to look at yourself in the mirror then please imagine a big lipstick kiss on your forehead from me, your anti-human. All I have to do is make sure I don't get my hand caught in the cookie jar. (wink)

Dearest So&So

To the sexiest boy I have met in a very very long time. Thank you so much for making sure my head did not hit that tree on my journey to the ultimate ninja, the ground. Thank you for giving me your number, even though, I will more than likely not call you. Thank you for being a huge temptation and having a sexy ass body, misquote bites, and an evil wit that rivals mine. Thank you for helping explain the finer points of climbing to my beloved companions. Damn. Why must I remained focused? Why am I still thinking about this? Should I just take that paper and burn that number? This is so comically frustrating. I got shit to do.

The Obvious

It is pretty clear that my family does not care to see me succeed and even worse could careless if I failed.

Doing stuff

I went climbing yesterday and I really am like a walrus, an overweight one. Afterwards, I stopped at this restaurant and I'm sitting at this table by myself and suddenly the shit goes down. The host sits a table of two adults and three fucking snot nosed kids. I'm sitting there minding my own business, thinking about my trip up to Wilson this weekend and all the things I want to do, the people I want to see, and the teachers I will beg for good recommendations. Steadily, I am getting more excited about going up to Dogwood and maybe making out with someone whose name I won't remember... yeah...that won't happen but its my head, I can dream. So in other words I am not in the mood to be listening to some fucking kids bitching about how they don't want to eat french fries at a mexican restaurant. This one kid kept staring at me and I seriously wanted to tell the parents that their offspring better stop fucking looking at me or I'm going throw the rest of my beer in its face. Of course these people just gave me some weird ass looks because I was not doting on their disgusting children like everyone else. Also, there was a slight look of pity in the women's eyes, as though it was a bad thing that I was sitting by myself and that I hate children. Maybe it is sad but I'm the only person that has to deal with it.

Learning to sew

I attached wings to my little daemon so it can get the fuck away from here. Taught it to fly and how to steal fire like its ancestor before it. Before long it will be copulating with flying horses and return big and strong, like in my youth, with a whole horde of little flying hearts. Getting fresh air, sunlight, moonlight, starlight, and clean water these little daemons will travel on the breath of a fragrance unknown to most and this 350 pound, drooling, stinking, crazed monster of mine will remember what it was supposed to be doing this whole time... protecting that which created it. The sound will be phenomenal.

The signs that mean little to nothing at times

What? So you think that this very arm that is capable of holding you would not be strong enough to throw salt over your garden wall? Why should I do you any favors? Honestly, I respect Snoop Dogg but if his tounge dare tred on the words bitch or whore I would choke him with a white kid's dreadlock after I waterboarded him with polluted well water. I will take the cards in your hand and use them against you and then beat the shit out of death with my own backbone. If I am willing to do these things why would I bother with being decent towards you. You think some daemon will step in and save your ass after all the shit you have done. Going back on your own pathetic promise, taking my apology and using it as a means to get to me because you cannot mind your own fucking business. Hey, if it hurts me more than it hurts you then I still might fucking do it. My bad might be your worse so I suggest you quite with the plotting and rehearsing. Go back to your dumb ass broads. We are not friends, we are not lovers, and lint balls are great fire starters. Peace kid.

Fire Dream

Dreamt about building a fire in a thick spruce forest with no trails. Wind picking up and a intense fear of the fire going out. Very cold out but no stars. Never seeming to find enough fire wood and constantly searching for more. The fire never gets any bigger and it seems the darkness is getting bolder. Then I get angry and fly into some sort of rage. Luckily, I finally wake up and I'm thinking to myself that there is nothing to fight. Monster wants to rip out the throat of that daemon.

Dream

Briefly. I had a dream last night about being really cold in bed. No matter how far a rolled over or scooted I could not find anything to keep me warm. I remember waking up and wondering how the bed had gotten so big. I don't want to interpret this right now. This dream is about being alone or being uncomfortable in a place of rest, insatiable space that is never filled, and seeking warmth in a place that will remain cold. I think this dream addresses a long forgotten fear of mine and I don't want to wake up that daemon. Dreams are the haunting of reality.

One more negative moment and then another break

So 5.10 Galileo's, will make me a lazy climber but who would have thought that these small sticky climbing shoes would also make my legs look like tree trunks. If I could give anyone advice about how to accentuate their kankles (did I spell that right?) I would say buy some small ass climbing shoes because nothing makes ankles look their fattest than smaller feet. In fact, if I were not so egotistical I would be more than willing to post a picture of the kankle affect these shoes have on my legs and hell, I might still just to be the unbleached asshole that I am or just to be deviously obvious which will only enhance my maniacal ego. Going to look at a law school this weekend... no climbing, no chiggers, no spiders. Sad.

Freedom of Detroit Red

I am not free and I have always known this. My senior quote in high school was "we are all prisoners, its just that some of us have windows in our cells." Shit. Nothing like an elitist education to fool you into being OK with the 5 by 9. Funny how I am in the freest country in the world which just translates into standing in the shampoo isle for 20 minutes trying to decide on which brand/smell/hair type I want. I can go out and buy a big ass bong with my credit card or purchase some of the grossest and disturbing porno made thus far. I can buy lap dances from women that breath second hand smoke everyday they go to work. I can buy booze, cigarettes, and prescription pills to make me OK with my consumer decisions, job, and unachieved aspirations. Hurray for freedom. I can spend my money on whatever I want!! WoW! I think I will buy some curtains for my window just so I don't have to look outside and see the freedom I cannot buy. Being able to wear what I want without men looking at me like a piece of fucking meat. Changing the oil in my car without some grunt daddying me as though I were a total fucking idiot. Talking to people of a different class without them looking down their nose because of the car I drive or the shoes I wear. Saying or writing what I want without being judged by some raciest, white/black/brown/red/tan/yellow mother fucker that suddenly thinks that their good deed is done because they separated their recycling. Or worse these stupid chumps that do coke, crack, meth, pills, lsd, molly, ecstasy, and whatever else they can find constantly because they think it liberates them from this shitty society instead of putting their foot down and actually standing on it, if they could. The people that make that shit don't give a fuck about you. All they care about is money and control which makes them like some other beloved institution. I feel so benevolent that I will give you the freedom to decide just what institution I'm talking about. Out of all the freedoms, most people exercise their right to be ignorant.

What's it like?

It's like riding a train and then suddendly getting sucker punched in the face. Of course you fall off and hit the ground. Your body is still going the same speed as the train so any flesh you thought was attached simply vaporizes. As you slow down you realize that it is going to be a long and painful walk from here. It starts to rain, which reminds you that open wounds and sweat are not a match for comfort. You decide to sit but your wounds burst open with new strife. You sit anyway. You walk anyway. You breath, cry, shake, cuss, and curse and you do it because that is what you have always done. You remember that next time you better be holding onto something, that it is best not to be too comfortable, never too relaxed.

Burnt popcorn stinks and pain pills make you weak

Enough distractions. Injuries will come and go. First the hip, now the back. Perhaps it is going to make me more appreciative, respectful, and careful. Better than falling and cracking my head open or letting someone do the same. Thank god I'm not as foolish as I used to be. Talk about being an asshole. Fussing at a kid for almost knocking my beer out of my hand because he fell or letting an available crash pad go unused. Fucking awful. If anything I deserve to be slightly disabled now just for being so inconsiderate. Now there are more people out there making the same mistakes I made and they are littering! I digress. I've decided that I am going to law school. Consider it a public service announcement. I have never really been at home anywhere so there is no point in trying now. Hey, odd balls can roll too ya know.

Observations and General lessons

1. I am terrified of everything. 2. People should pick up their garbage and cigarette butts when they visit climbing areas. 3. Fuck the new guide book. If you cannot read a climb without a guide book you should not climb period. Learn from other people. Cunts. 4. I am a shitty climber... much like a walrus. 5. Hurting your back sucks. 6. I need a climbing partner because I am going to hurt myself, more. 7. People that don't mind their own business are boring. 8. What I write is not up for interpretation.

The United States of Isarna

This is the United States of Isarna. A confederation of different entities: ego, heart, soul, boogers, breath, friction, past and present. Controlled by the supreme power of the future I have come here to learn the lesson not yet learnt. Fire in my mind and ice on my feet let all those foolish kids that want the name Wavy Gravy know that it is unoriginal as the idea of anthrax in your cocaine. Molly is the name of a little girl, dog, mouse or cat and it smells like wasted flesh, very similar to death. This sick dance of ability is a test. The worst nightmare of us all is to use a muscle that is weak. Pick up that club, caveman, and bash in the head of ignorance with sly and subtle grunts and grins. Cause if your thirsty for water, you don't drink blood and then hide the gloves. If we where to sit at a card table Death would sit at the opposite end. Ra, Gandhi, Mao, and Machiavelli would be the on the left and Barry White, Sinatra, James Brown and Dionysus would be on the right. The spectators would be our ancestors and the ghost of Charlie would be behind my seat. Our chip stacks would be made of memories and I would be beat. Throwing down a dead man's hand, Death will snatch me ball headed until Gandhi points out that the full house on the board is mine. I just so happen to win this time so in this war your either with me or you don't exist. Non-Recognition is a method not a solution so I am not a complete bitch. Welcome all you spy's and masterminds to the United States of Isarna. Keep your spiritual and mental poverty, diseases, and sheep unless they are roasted and stuffed with garlic. It's the only way to keep the social vampires away.

FTW (don't read this)

I have no knife big or sharp enough to cut this shit. I'm surrounded by back stabbers, crappy family, mostly shitty friends, and fools. I hate this fucking place. Stupid jive ass white kids. I must be doing something right to piss off so many people. But really I don't want to love you or anyone.

I admit it

So I've been asking people if they have ever eaten their own boogers and they all refuse to admit it but I will come clean and say that I have eaten my own boogers. Notice that this is phrased in past tense. Thank you very much. Also, I am so excited about Trinumeral!!!! Monster wants to dance bitches.

Driving

I was driving down the road and this car full of guys is on my left hand side. I could not help but to notice that they kept on looking at me and so the first thought that popped into my head is that I must have a big booger hanging out of my nose. I looked in the mirror and there was no booger :{ and there was no poop on my face so I began to wonder what were these guys looking at and then I realized that it really had nothing to do with me at all. In fact, the only thing these guys were paying attention to was the fact that I was driving my aunt's ginormous truck. When I say ginormous, I mean 15 passenger van ginormous so I just started cracking up because these guys must be thinking that I must have the smallest penis in the world. Also, if I had been driving my car they would not have paid the slightest bit of attention to me so the moral of the story is, it is OK to have big boogers hanging out of your nose when you are driving a small beat up car.

Boogers

Being a recreational booger gatherer I would like to share my knowledge of the secret life of the booger. The booger is a mysterious and short lived creature of the endangered nose-hole environment. As quiet creatures, the booger feeds off dust, pollen, and skin cells with little interference of the outside world. Clinging to hair, the booger can withstand the high powered winds that are common to the nose-hole environ without fear of being blown or sucked away into the surrounding abysses. Besides the occasional sneeze the booger only has one major predator, the finger. The booger, although, very slow moving, will make an attempt to cling to nose hair or its kindred, in order to allude the finger. But the finger is a cunning predator and does not come unarmed (no pun intended.)

Helllloooo Idiot

So I read all the blogs that I have posted over the years and hot damn I am totally fucking bonkers. Just need a side of chilly and a big bag of chips and eventually time will pass with such gas that my blog will be reborn in an upside down porcelain crown. HA I'M SINGLE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and I did not murder my abusive ex-boyfriend. I am not a victim, I am not a survivor, I am simply a player with a fresh hand of cards.

A Promise

I swear on this cold dirt that the next person to touch me out of hate, anger, or ignorance will suffer justice at its most brutal, humiliating, and immediate. Not a single eye, bone, or tooth will be left unturned. Too long have I withheld vengeance for the sake of sympathy and I'll be damned if this ever happens again. Screw anyone that passes judgement on someone that is more than willing to rip out their own tongue if this is wrong.

Piggy

I wonder how George W. Bush feels right now? I wonder if he watches TV and hears all the things people say about him? Does he laugh? Does he get mad? Or does he cry? Is he ashamed? Is his golf game still mediocre? Who is George W. Bush really? I'm sure if we were to sit down at the same dinner table with GWB he would be an excellent conversationalist and he would probably dote on his dogs and might even feed them scraps from the table. He might even talk about fishing in some exotic location or his college experiences. He might tell some dirty jokes about Texas or he might just sit there and not say a word. Lost in his own thoughts of failure but who among us can say he really failed? Who knows his true purpose because what a president was back then is not about what a president is now. Perhaps he was merely a tool to increase executive powers in such a way that we could no longer ignore our situation in the world. I find it all to suspicious that a seemingly intelligent human being suddenly appears on the scene to take a presidential place, wrapped in the fine cloth of ivy league hardship and a bow of "community" slung around his chest. Some would argue that he, this gift, is the lesser of two evils, but if one were to walk in the desert of politics with one days worth of water and a little ways ahead of you there was a canteen with another half days worth would it not be wiser just to turn around and walk out of a desert that takes 232 days to cross? He is just too smart and there is something seriously amiss with this situation.