The Exploits of an Ugly Ducky

When I was a young girl, around the age of eight, I wanted nothing more than to climb.  I would climb trees, my house and even my mom's car.  I would grind caulk from the black board, stuff it into a bag and pretend that I was climbing the highest, most hardcore rock ever climbed.  It had always been a dream of mine to climb.  My family was lower middle class and had a hard enough time paying the rent let alone paying for climbing trips.  I look back on my previous desire to become a climber and do not see it with shame or pity but utter disbelief.  I finally got and now have something that I have always wanted and nothing besides horrible misfortune or disaster can take it away from me.  Finally.  Thanks for reading and you will see me around. 

Sharing is NOT Caring

Although this may be simple coincidence I have noticed that some of my ideas are being used at other peoples discretion.  I am flattered by this but I work pretty hard on my writing and it normally takes me a few weeks to come up with my ideas so if you are going to steal intellectual property then I need either an honorable mention or a job... or both.  The fact is, if this theft does not stop then I am going to take my blog somewhere else so that no one can take my ideas and not give me due credit.  My blog and I deserve better.  Also, taking my ideas and using them to save your own ass is just asking for bad karma so next time you feel like your floundering for an idea and you have the desire to steal another person's intellectual property just remember that if your computer crashes or some other shit happens, then it's your own fault.  I am leaving this post up until my three year anniversary with climbing, November 12th, and if at any point you want an idea or advice on what to write about  or want to give me a job/internship then please feel free to email me.  IsarnaPacher@yahoo.com
Thanks and Good Luck.

And the Bald said NO

There is something about Rumbling Bald that only a few well traveled climbers could understand and that one thing is, Rumbling Bald is hard.  I have talked to a handful of people that climb there regularly and the general consensus is that it is an issue of style.  Rumbling Bald is an extremely hard place to boulder if it is not your style and with that being said I will let you know that I know very few people that actually say that their style is climbing on slightly overhung credit card to half pad crimps and miniscule feet.  ITS FUCKING HARD.  I know many people that easily pull down V8s in other boulder fields but when they come to the Bald they get spanked on V3s.  I suppose the up shot of this is that they claim the V grade is highly "subjective" and then go on their merry way back to the choss piles they crawled from and perhaps they did it a little bit humbler.  And I like that.  There really is nothing I can stand more than a rock snob especially one that picks their climbing partners by a comparison of strength.  "Sure dude, you can climb with us, as long as you cannot send harder than me."  I know that, thankfully, those people are few and far between but I sure as hell met one at Inner Peaks climbing gym.  I went with the Brevard Climbing Team to play photographer/cheerleader for the recent ABS competition and sure enough there was such a douchebag there.  So if you are out there, you hang board winning cock sucker, please feel free to join us at the Bald.  Hugs and Kisses. 

EEEEEEE!!!!

I got fourth place in beginner women's at Hound Ears!!!!!  EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!

The Story of Cronos and the Blood Letter's

In a rocky valley there was a tribe of ghouls who would gather at the top of a particular mountain to perform a blood letting ritual every full moon.  Although there were many mountains that the ghouls could have chosen they chose this one particular mountain due to the huge rocks that had such razor sharp features on each one.  Before the sun would set the ghouls would walk to the top of the mountain and select specific rocks for each individual and then slice their fingers, arms, legs, feet, bodies and allow their ghostly blood to ooze down the rocks and soil the ground at the height of the full moon. 
One night, Cronos, the keeper of time was riding his chariot of clouds across the sky when he viewed a beautiful ghoul maiden, slicing her feet upon the rocks.  As Cronos was the keeper of time, he had seen the rise and fall of empires, wars that raged for centuries, and battles fields thick with gore and blood.  Naturally, Cronos did not enjoy the sight of blood and his heart ached in watching the senseless act of this beautiful ghoul spilling her precious blood.  So Cronos did something and I trust that you will keep it a secret.  Cronos sped up time for the ghouls and like all communities and tribes before, the ghouls disbanded and forgot their history and their rituals.  When you go to HoundEars today be careful because although the ghouls have moved on the rocks have not forgotten their purpose. 

Ouch! Dammit!

Hound Ears October 2009. Let me assure you there will be a story written about this particular boulder field. Most of the climbs there are incredibly sharp and I must admit that the whole time I climbed there I preyed to myself that my feet would not give out. Instant carnage. I am very happy with my climbing there although I did not project anything due to the fact that in competitions it is unwise to give any one problem more than five goes. I must find a way to get in there so that I can attempt to project some of the lines that I found to be the most thrilling. Luckily, I do play a bit of golf. (wink wink, etc.) Speaking of thrilling I must share some of the highlights of my $50 bouldering session. First, I climbed for a bit and then went down to a classic V2 called Brutus. Well, Brutus lies in a corridor and essentially it has that name for a very very good reason. I thought to myself, "Oh! If I feel like I'm going to fall, I will just swing my leg back and rest on the wall behind me." Well, if you ever think something like that to yourself if you are in a similar climbing situation then don't climb that climb. Here is a case and point. I fell off Brutus near the top, while most of my body was still in the corridor. I did not even know I was going to fall but my feet slipped while I was "initiating the top out sequence" and due to this I started falling, hit my back on the wall behind me and landed on my ass. Luckily I was parallel to the two walls by the time my fall was complete. It was very 'Wylie Coyote' because on the way down I saw some of the spectators and I had time to think to myself "it cannot be that bad." I am glad I was right but soon after that all the people that wanted to climb Brutus walked away because they were not willing to risk the fall hazard and therefore they did not get to see my shaky second attempt where I actually sent the damn thing. You can just call me Caesar from now on. Then I was joined my boyfriend and two members of the BRG climbing community who had the intense pleasure of spotting me on the lovely highball Gin and Juice which is called a V3 but certainly is not. I got to the crux of the climb and asked my beloved boyfriend and spotter if he 'had me' and he says back to me, "Don't fall! There are NOT enough crash pads down here!" All the while I was 25 feet up in the air and still have a few more feet to go. I was not worried though. I knew I would be fine. The only hard part was getting back down once you fully topped it out because as a first time climber at Hound Ears it can be rather disorienting. Ok, enough about me. What about you? Happy Bouldering Season!!!

Why Planning and Goal Setting is Such a Bad Idea?

Hound Ears is this weekend! I am super excited but I fear that my goals of bumping my point standing for my division is not going to happen. The gym has ruined me. Alas, I fear that my division choice will also be bumped down from intermediate to beginner and I know that I could bitch about the fact that intermediate should be V2 to V4 or whatever but that line of rational is far beneath me. No I will just simply say that I will NEVER set goals for my climbing EVER AGAIN. I failed to climb my mile by 500 feet and I failed to send even one of my rope projects, although most of those were five year projects but regardless, NEVER AGAIN! The bitter taste in my mouth is far too unpleasant.

And the Clock Keeps on Ticking

I am in an unhealthy relationship. I have figured it out and every month since July my boyfriend has walked out on me. He even did it last Friday. I suppose my moving has put a strain on our relationship so much in fact that we did not even celebrate our one year anniversary. I seriously doubt that we will see year number two. Damnit. I thought I was so close to being with someone that I could travel the world with and share my experiences with without judgement or close mindedness but I do believe this ball has fallen short of the fence. It figures. I told you the last time that I thought that I would be unable to recover from the last "break up" but I think this time really did it. It is so hard to walk around with such pain in your heart and to know that the person you loved so much does not care a bit about you. Why would anyone inflict such emotional violence on someone that they care about? I honestly cannot think of an instance were they would. Does not everyone deserve a relationship were they feel safe? Apparently I don't. He claims that he wants a certain level of intimacy with me but how can I possible feel close to someone or want to be close to someone who is constantly walking out? Another thing that bothered me was the fact that we went out with some of my closest friends and all he could talk about was his experiences with his ex's or girls that he had dated. TO MY FRIENDS. I am such a fool.

Tales of a Scab Eater

Chattanooga, TN. I know there are boulder fields there that few have seen and supposedly they are amazing. But who can really say? They are also jealously guarded so these rumors of the best highballs, or amazing rock quality could simply be the tell tales of elitists. Wouldn't it be easy to convince anyone that a boulder field is "badass" if they did not know where it is and were never going to find out. Wouldn't that just make you want to find out more? All to often I have been told tales of phenomenal boulder fields that are in my area and after much research, looking at satellite images and topo's, even throwing the occasional bribe in there "Hey you show me your boulder field and I'll show you where to get a first ascent" sort of deal, I have hiked, trespassed and even bullshitted my way into these mythical boulder fields only to be severely disappointed, heart broken even. So Chattanooga, you haborer of climbing elitists, I will give you a word of warning; if one person cannot keep a secret, two sure as hell cannot! Get ready to be infiltrated.

Delusions of the Methodical Mind

I will tell you this in confidence because I believe that you are a lot like me. For some reason or another I feel compelled to share a bit of my past because like me, you have more than likely been in a situation in which you have wanted something. This something is different for everyone but most people truly desire one thing in particular and that is often the companionship of another and more often than not this "other" is already preoccupied by another relationship. Its a shame in deed but on an even sharper note, I, of all people, feign the high road and say "oh lets just be friends." The girlfriends gave me the evil glare, they knew what I was up to but in order to not seem like the majorly unattractive "crazy bitches" they were, they let me slide in and out of their significant other's life. Painting a pretty smile on my face, pretending I even cared, and sometimes, yes sometimes dropping hints right in front of the odd couple that said, "I'm better, stronger, and way smarter than you... bitch." She would laugh, I would laugh and funny enough he (as in they) would laugh with a gleam in his eye. Clever me, right? Truth be told, they all knew what I was doing and how I was doing it. Pretty shameful in retrospect but being so devious it is quiet easy to see what underhanded goings on happen all around you. Quiet unsurprising if you ask me.

Something of Highballs

I look up at the problem. Heel hook. Move hands from jug to in cut half pad crimp. Pop to jug. Move feet to left. Stand on sharp edge and slap out to in cut side pull with matching crimp. Not a pad jug. Commit. Move feet high. Smear right foot and stand up to jug. Top out. Twenty five feet up. I think about folding my pad so I can reach the first hand and foot hold. No. I will wait until I can flash this one. No point in wearing out a good spotter.

The Story of a Star

This is a revision of an old Toltec fable. There was a man that once truly loved a woman and this woman truly loved him as well. Their love was something born of the earth and roots of the land not the mists and waters of valley. One night this man took a walk and he sat upon and old tree root were he began to look up at the sky. His heart was full of love and as he looked at the sky a star came falling from the sky. The man's heart swelled even more and the star came even closer to the man until it was sitting in his lap. The man was so focused on the star and his heart so swollen with love that the man actually merged with the star and they floated back up to the sky. The woman, who loved this man very much, looked for her beloved all over the planet and it is unknown if she is still looking for him but one thing is for sure, this man loved the feeling of love more than he loved the woman who instilled him with that feeling and that is why he left with the star.

The Follow Through

Welp. School is kicking my ass and I don't get many opportunities to climb any more so it can be rather challenging to not flip the fuck out. I believe that I have been rewired with a short fuse and I am unsure if I can resist going "postal" on someones ass. Honestly, I almost got out of my car the other night, to beat the shit out of some condescending bitch! I must do something about this situation because if I do not start climbing on a regular basis, my mental health and the physical well being of others is at risk. I'm not fucking kidding. At least I'm still getting laid though due to the fact that my boyfriend and I have not broken up...yet. (I owe everyone a good story.)

Clean Slate?

When someone that you care about wants to do any of the following, run while you still can!!! I'm fucking serious.

1. Work on communication
2. Read a relationship advice book together
3. Take time apart to figure out what they need or want
4. Goes on frequent trips with friends when they know you cannot go aka on purpose
5. Asks if it is appropriate to start with a clean slate.
6. Oh fucking hell, you know when its going to get bad

Apparently, I'm the only one that had fun climbing this weekend. Thank you Red River Gorge!

The Finer Details

Although the finer details of my relationship have not fully come to pass, I cannot help but to delight in the very likely possibility that it will be over very very soon. (But don't get me wrong, I cried all day Saturday in my room and only came out due to a wonderful vodka cocktail my roommate cultivated for me.) Here are the good things:

1. Soon I won't have to lug my lazy ass up/around/down to some V10 bullshit boulder, where there are no good climbs, to spot him.
2. I will also be able to unabashedly look at the climbing hotties without getting the evil eye. At least not from my boyfriend but possibly a near by girlfriend. Whatever.
3. Pretty soon all the snacks will be MINE!!!!
4. I won't have to pray that someone does not come up to my boyfriend in the boulder field, bragging about some "wicked hard problem" so that #1 occurs.
5. And I might actually meet someone that does not treat me with total indifference.

How to Escape Anything

Asshole.

2 Months

I will not be climbing with my boyfriend for two whole months but to be perfectly honest, I don't think I want to climb with him ever again. So my objective is to find several climbing partners and then a few people to train with during the week. I'm even thinking about posting an add on craigslist, although that would be rather dangerous but I swear I might just leave my boyfriend if we have another fight over climbing. It is such a stupid reason to fight too and he claims that it would be a great way to "grow" in our relationship so I know that if it is a stupid reason to fight and he threw the word "grow" in there, then it must be avoided at all costs. Its like a devious boss that throws you into an unfamiliar job situation so that you will flail around and they have a reason to fire you.

Weighting the New System

Looking at myself in the mirror I see that my breasts have gotten saggy, my teeth are not as white as they used to be and my new hair cut looks like my other hair cuts but shorter. I am stuck in my ways and it was obvious this Saturday when I went to tackle one of my projects, the Indirect to the Glass Menagerie. Throw in a daisy chain and the idea of hanging on and cleaning cordilet and I freaked the fuck out and bailed out. Luckily it started raining but it just made me feel bitter, not to mention the boyfriend that I should no longer be climbing with made me feel even worse about bailing. As we sat there, out of the rain by Invisible Airways, I thought to myself, "I have gotten in over my head." I knew I could climb that climb, there was never an issue of whether or not I would be strong enough but my head got in my way. Seeing my buddy dislocate is knee could not be the only reason why I have reverted back to a big scaredy cat, could it? But there are other issues like the fact that if any new variables are added to the equation, like the daisy chain and the fucking cordilet, I cannot concentrate on climbing because I am so worried about fucking up the system. Seeing your climbing grade cordilet snap while your swinging in a hammock should not be enough to make you stop climbing, right? I should have trusted that my partner would not put me in danger but that is not what my mind was saying to me while I was up there, below the first bolt. "You are going to forget how to use this new system and you are going to fall." It looks like I have to start from square one and start climbing 5.6 so I can build confidence in myself and different systems. Its not bouldering season yet.

Head Game

Since the start of rope season this year, I have struggled with my rational and irrational fears. Since it is my boyfriend's job to act as a rope gun, it is my job to trash-bin the climb. Cleaning routes is not so bad, in fact, I have made leaps and bounds in cleaning but lately I have been experiencing doubt in my knots. When I go in direct, I'm fine but when I am tying back in my knots do not appear correct. It is totally irrational and I tell myself that and attempt to reassure myself by counting the two's on my figure eight but the lingering thought is still in my mind. "Your knot is not right. Your knot is not right. Your knot is not right." I look at it again and all the parts are there. I've even hung from less reliable anchors (although I had protection still in below me) but the thought of my knot being wrong is still in the back of my mind. Although, I should work on this aspect of my climbing, I feel compelled to just look forward to bouldering season.

Betrayal

Due to one of my jobs I have developed a fascination with horses but with this fascination I have also developed the habit of reading too much about horses. Every time I see a magazine or a book with the picture of a horse on it, I cannot help but to pick it up and read its pages. I read an article about an organization that helps retired racing horses by retraining them or finding them a new home to live out the rest of their lives. Most retired racing horses end up in slaughter houses in Mexico or Canada, even the famous ones, if they become injured from poor training or cannot breed/stud due to other complications. Here is the worst part...reading this article has made bawl my eyes out for the past hour. I guess it really bothers me when after working with horses for this past year and you see how hard they work and how high the expectations are for them, it just seems like a horrible betrayal for someone that is entrusted with their care to just turn around and neglect them. Those horses are so trusting too. I don't know any dogs that would allow a 100lbs+ human ride them around at 35 to 60mph and blindly take jumps or sharp turns. It's not right, those horsies deserve better.

IT keeps on ticking

We are still together. No he does not want to marry me nor do I want to marry him so the last story was simply that, a story. I am unsure if we will "make it" as they say but for right now, things are going good. I will admit that his moodiness is borderline female but shit, 'nobody is perfect like me'. At least we don't fight ALL the time like some other variety of the dysfunctional couple. This is very reminiscent of a previous blog I wrote back during the bouldering season. On a brighter note it is official that if I want to become a stronger climber I must stop climbing with my boyfriend as often. Also, I must get a membership to Climbmax before I go stir crazy with worry about the next Triple Crown. I might as well face it, I am competitive and I want to do better than I did last year, say top 15 for my division. I wonder if it makes me a shallow climber if I am competitive? I wonder if "being a good sport" counts towards being a "good" climber? No matter, I suppose. As long as my bulky ass still trains pretty hard and I keep my motivation up by any means possible, the outcome is secondary, the application of self is the true life lesson. Speaking of application of self, the hike up the Hawksbill is pure murder especially if your just going up there to get on the best 5.10 ever. Appalachian Springs is not too shabby either although I could only get up to the second bolt and I hung it so much it might as well have been a V0. That is what happens when you don't climb for a month.

The Story of Daniel Boone and the Disaster that was Diverted

Daniel Boone awoke by the river. His mouth was dry and his clothes lay torn beside him. The sun shined brightly in his eyes so he did not notice the old woman sitting on the branch of the willow tree beside him. He got to his feet and walked steadily to river's edge and bent down to drink but he felt eyes on him and turned around to see the old woman standing less than a foot away. The old woman cracked a wicked smile and cooed to him in a ragged voice, "Ah yes my handsome and lucky warrior, you have come just in time. My heart was so lonely that I feared that it would shatter and I would spend my never ending days alone in this world. Finally, you have come." Daniel Boone was confused and with a quizzical look said "Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else." "No. I do not believe I have" said the ancient hag "you too have suckled from the tit of Eternity and now we can spend our lives together, forever. I have seen all of my lovers die and move on while I stayed; I have prayed through the centuries that one day I would have a love that would never die." Although Daniel Boone felt a deep sympathy for this ancient and perhaps crazy woman, he had absolutely no intention of staying with her but the deep sorrow in her eyes made him unable to express his full desire to leave. He truly felt compelled to help this hag but before he could utter a word of compassion, the willow tree came alive and snatched him off his feet and bound him to its branches. The old witch cackled and said "when you have been around for as long as I have, you learn a couple of tricks" and with that she ran off into the forest. "Shit..." thought Daniel but before he could finish his thought, the old hag came bounding out the woods, wearing a wedding dress made of burlap. "Now I have you, my handsome frontiersman" said the forceful witch. But, Daniel Boone quickly devised a plan and began to compliment the witch on her "beautiful" gown and as he "fawned" over the old hag, the willow tree's grip loosened. The willow tree began to let him slowly down to the ground and the hag hugged him so tight that he feared his plan would not work. "Let me get close to the river so that I may clean myself and look presentable for you, my love" said Daniel. He walked to the river and as he approached a giant catfish stirred from its bed. Without hesitation Daniel Boone jumped into the river and grabbed the catfish around its massive body and it quickly swam off, trying to loose its captor. Daniel Boone held his breath for as long as possible but when he felt that his lungs would catch on fire he let go of fish and floated to the surface. He made his way to the edge of the river and even though he was pretty far away from his would be bride he could hear her wails of sorrow. In fact, the warring Indian tribes could hear the hag's yells for miles and miles around. The cries were so sadding that the Indians began to believe that it was the Earth crying due to all the blood it had soaked up and they immediately stopped the war in the Red River Gorge. Daniel Boone managed to safely escape the gorge and vowed never to return and I would like to remind the readers that if you favor Daniel Boone in the least bit, it would be wise not to venture to the Red River because that old witch is still looking for her eternal husband.

Character Assassination

Well you know my relationship prediction? Try three days... yep. It might be over, forever. But honestly, would you want to be around someone that has been continually assassinating your character when they get upset? Most people would not. Hell, if someone has such a low opinion of their girlfriend why stick around at all? I will tell you why, because it is a subtle form of manipulation and is often used by people that are emotionally abusive. I hate to say it. I would like to give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt but I feel that it might have gone past the point of return. Also, I do not feel appreciated and I'm not talking about monetary compensation either. I do not feel appreciated as a person and it really reminds me of being with my family. I have some understanding of how things got to this point but this is either a hurdle or a brick wall. I hope it pours fucking rain all over the New River this weekend, bitches. I owe you guys a good story.

Waiting it Out

I have decided to wait it out and see what happens. I am sure at this point that we will not be together forever and more than likely it might end in three months. I do not consider it a waste of time, at least not yet. Also, I might be going slightly insane from not climbing for two weeks and candida.

The Pre-combat Jitters

There is an overwhelming sense of excitement before a relationship, fling, etc. begins. Often times I forget what the fuss is about but looking back at some of my more recent personal excursions, I have found that what I enjoy most is the "knowing yet not knowing" beginnings of a relationship. For an instance, think back to a time when you met someone and you found them attractive, smart, and absolutely intoxicating to be around but you where unsure if they liked you. You had some notion, through little hints or passive body contact but you did not want to be overly confident of your standing with such a stunning person. Didn't it drive you crazy? BUT didn't you absolutely love every second? Wouldn't it just drive a lame heart insane to feel a pat on the back and sincerely wish that it was a lingering hold? A simple smile into a kiss? The point that I am making is that there are certain aspects of attraction that we lose from finalizing a relationship.

Why I love my new home

1. My cat loves it
2. My room has a big closet for my climbing stuff and my clothes
3. My roommate/landlord is pretty badass
4. My house is in a great location and I can walk to the Brew and View
5. I do not feel unwelcome
6. The neighbors seem nice
7. I don't feel alone here
8. I'm pretty sure that if I had a stalker other people in the neighborhood would notice
9. There is good energy here
10. And it smells good

I'm Bold as Love

Unsure of how to progress from here. I often wonder if Charlie would approve of my current circumstance. Would he pat me on the back? Would he question my motives? I would like nothing more than a quick and easy fix but my ego is quite the monster. Never resting, never questioning; it is always right in its own way and everyone else can go to hell. What a dangerous creature. I'm sure some people would feel the way I do right now. If someone said they did not want to be with you and they were leaving ("Have a nice life"), well I could easily imagine that a few individuals would feel slighted. But if they didn't go, how would most people feel? Lucky? Relieved? I suppose some would say yes but those with the plague of ego would feel the way I do; hurt, skeptical, and restless. I would like to pretend it never happened.

Candida Overgrowth

I have an overgrowth of candida and for those of you that don't know, it amounts to being an over zealous yeast infection. Fucking great. I found out this morning by spitting in a glass of water that was left on my bedside table overnight (to get rid of the chlorine) and my spit did not dissipate but in fact became stringy, white and disgusting. My boyfriend, whom I fought with over 4th of July weekend, also has an overgrowth of candida. I'm not sure if its the candida talking but I am concerned that my ego has taken a blow that it will not recover from anytime soon. Basically, on top of having a systemic yeast infection, I almost lost my fucking boyfriend. Thankfully, I have automatic locks on my car doors. Once again, I am not sure if its the candida talking but I am concerned that my ego might just be more important than this relationship and although I was once prone to self sabotage, I fear that for once it is not me that is the saboteur but my boyfriend. Now I know how my ex's feel and it sucks. But then again it could be the candida talking.

Ta fucking Da

I am currently unpacking. Hurray for my side. Might be going to the New River Gorge this weekend but I am unsure. I would love to go but there is no way that I am going to be driving by myself up there. (I know, "all by myself") Everyone is flaking the fuck out and I must admit that it kind of sucks in a serious way. I just don't like flaky people, I should know because I used to be one. It is rather simple, do what you say your going to do. If a magician said they were going to make the hot chick disappear well then they better fucking do it and they better do it with some piazzas, if you know what I mean. You don't have shit unless you up hold your word and in the case of the magician, you better do what you say your going to do. And now for my next trick.

Moving

So. I'm moving and it sucks. It is not the packing part that I dislike but the actual moving and carrying crap. UH. On the bright side though, I will be living in a highly desirable part of Asheville and the house I will be living in is pretty badass. I just hope I don't get run over by a car while riding my bike because that will definitely put an end to rope climbing season and perhaps bouldering season. Nothing could be worse. Ok, maybe that was an exaggeration but it would still suck.

And the Judges Say...

Went out to Hawksbill and it is more apparent now than ever that I more than likely will not crush anything harder than a 5.11b and even that is iffy, really really iffy. I will admit that I have not been training as much due to my frantic work schedule so if I cannot train perhaps I can starve myself? This is what I get for calling people a fat ass for spinning holds in the gym. "I'm sorry, I cannot read what you have written down... oh... OK. Ladies and Gentlemen the final judge has not bothered to report a numerical score but instead has written down 'IRONY'." (There is far too much external motivation in my goal setting.)

Oh the Places I've gone

Red River Gorge KY, Joes Valley UT, American Fork UT, Little Cottonwood Canyon UT, Maple Canyon UT, New River Gorge WV, Rumbling Bald NC, Ghost Town NC, Granite City NC, Looking Glass (northside) NC, The Obed TN, Horse Pens 40 AL, Rock Town GA, Green River Gorge NC, Smith Rock OR, Acid Castle OR, Aztec Gardens OR, The Strip is Mine KY, Hawksbill NC and counting

Breaking News

I was feeding the ponies the other day and these two mares started fighting over food. One was bucking while the other was raring up and it became apparent that I should no long be afraid of lead climbing because I could easily get kicked in the head by a horse at work. I think getting kicked might hurt just as bad as decking... perhaps. I have not decked yet and cannot say either way. Long story short, horses are just as scary (if not scarier) as lead climbing. Also, I am looking forward to moving and being able to ride my bike, which is scary, around A-ville. Going to the grocery, the pub, and the park will take on a whole other light. Having some space of my own will be most delightful as well. I just hope my beloved cat likes it too.

The Story of How the Red River got its Name

We all have heard that Daniel Boone once came to the Red River Gorge but few of us know why. Well that answer is rather easy to come by due to the fact that at this very same time the Red River got its name. The Indian wars were brutal and relentless. Many brave and cunning warriors made their last war cries in the deep canyons and arch ways of the gorge. Daniel Boone, whom many of the warring tribes respected and some feared, was called to the gorge by his 'brother' Black Foot to broker a peace treaty and end this battle once and for all. But, Daniel Boone did not know that this particular Indian war was far more brutal and long going than any battle known to date. No one could know though because anyone that dare set foot in the gorge was instantly slaughtered. Daniel Boone, who was in the far reaches of what is now known as Tennessee, traveled day and night to reach the gorge. He finally broke out of the bush, close to Cloud Splitter, and viewed a ghastly sight, the river stained with blood for miles. Daniel's guts turned inside out and as he bent over to catch his breath he realized that he was sharing his spectacular view with hundreds of scalps, drying on the rocks. It did not take Daniel Boone long to realize that he was in grave danger and at that moment an arrow landed right beside his foot. Unfortunately, he did not have anywhere to run so he attempted to bargain with his apparent captors. Slowly they began to emerge from the bush, twenty of them, covered from head to toe in blood so dark that it appeared black. A few of them even recognized who Daniel was but there was no warmth in their eyes or soul on their breath. They had seen too much. They began to relax much to their misfortune because suddenly another tribe's party came bounding out of the bushes and attacked with vicious and bloody strokes of their axes. Daniel Boone could not run for cover and even if he did, it was too late. He had been pierced through and through by a spear. The air in his lungs disappeared and the war stricken world around him vanished as he fell from his vantage point. Mortally wounded and yet Daniel Boone, survived the 100 plus foot fall. He awoke from his trance like state in a pain so great that it would have made a rock weep. He could not have felt worse but suddenly his ears picked up the sound of soft foot falls. Daniel Boone, unsure of who was at the base of the cliff or even where he was, decided that it would be best if he found a hiding spot or more likely a place to die. He would be damned before he would allow his scalp to be bleached on some rock. So Daniel Boone, amazingly enough, spotted a medium sized cave very close by and he crawled or slithered his way inside. The cave was wonderfully dry, cool and smelled so beautiful that Daniel moved further inside. He could not resist and as he moved he noticed a strange golden light. But Daniel Boone had been close to death before and he did not find this too remarkable, he knew he was going to die and he might as well be comfortable. He dragged his body further into the cave and suddenly the golden light and the brilliant smell were overwhelming and Daniel, overcome with sight and smell of it all, fell into a deep sleep.

Hurray for Summer!

I do not have a Father but I went fishing anyway. Did not catch a single fucking thing. Stinkin fish. I have managed not to smoke a cigarette for a bit although I have dipped into my car's ash tray and smoked the cigarettes that where not completely un smokable. It would seem kind of fucked up but... well... never mind, it is fucked up. Anyway, I roll my own cigarettes so it is not as gross as it sounds, although it is still fucked up. Also, I am finally making the commitment to sell my bong or should I say my ex boyfriend's bong online. I figure that since the fucker abused me I had no reason to let him walk away with the expensive ass gifts I bought for him. Especially since he never had any sense to get me anything besides jewelry. Stupid fuck. Maybe he did that because he knew better than to get a crazy woman a big ass knife. Perhaps not so stupid after all. I must think of what else I can sell... I know what your thinking.

Dejavu?

I might get cervical cancer and it is more likely that I will get cervical cancer because I cannot stop smoking cigarettes. It really makes you feel like an asshole when you light up and you are guaranteed to get cancer. Not just any typical cigarette cancer either but full blown vag cancer. (There is a lady I know who is dying of ovarian cancer; fuck I'm an asshole.) I should have never stopped smoking weed. Not only that, but once again my boyfriend is nagging me but its not about smoking, its about other crap. God. I hate being nagged.

Uh

Rope season is not going as planned at all. I have logged just under 2000ft. Well below my quota. But shit, does it really matter. Seriously. One thing is for sure though, I have most certainly laid my eyes on some the most awesome climbs I have seen to date. The kind of routes that make your stomach ball up and you feel all tingly. Like seeing someone you have not seen in a longtime or the feeling you get right before a lightning bolt hits nearby. Perhaps it is not the mile but the shoes you walk it in.

The Story of the Cactus

It might be a surprise to some of you but the Dark Lord had a twin brother. He was like the Dark Lord in so many ways but his compulsiveness was far greater than could be imagined. His name was Ki and he was a very clever and quick witted being but he looked at the world with intense fear in his heart. He feared things beyond his grasp but he especially feared his brother, the Dark Lord. The reason for Ki's fear has long been forgotten. Some speculate that the Dark Lord was physically stronger than Ki and when they were first created the Dark Lord continually used this advantage against his weaker brother but other simply say that Ki was just too intelligent and it drove him insane. Regardless, Ki became obsessed with protecting himself against his brother so he picked a spot with a clear tactical advantage and began to build a monumental fortress. He made the mortar from the surrounding sand and gathered round stones from a once running river to place within the sand to give his fortress strength and stability. Everyday he would work on his fortress but to Ki, it never seemed good enough. He would still sleep with one eye open, fearful that his brother would enter his fortress and sabotage the whole undertaking. But, Ki's plight did not go unnoticed and the Voodoo King took pity on his poor creation. The Voodoo King felt responsible for Ki's inclinations and felt that no creature should spend its life attempting to accomplish a feat that is completely out of reach without assistance. So that night while Ki slept with one eye open, the Voodoo King beckoned the Earth, with a song not sung before, to sink Ki into the ground while the Voodoo King sharped thin sticks to a fine point. The Voodoo King stood before the trapped Ki, who was extremely frightened, and threw the sharped sticks at his creation and instantly Ki turned into something not seen before, a cactus. Ki, with the help of his creator, finally realized his dream and slept easy for the first time in his life. Interestingly enough, Ki's fortress is still standing in a place called Maple Cannon. I recommend you go there sometime.

Catching Turtles

If fishing were easy then I more than likely would not do it but like many things I am left to my own short falls and short comings when it comes to my various undertakings. Much like this turtle, I am dangling on a line at the end of fate's reel. I say, "Read my stories. See how clever I am." But in fact, I am not. Just a thief of words and ideas. I post pictures on Facebook saying to myself, "Surly someone will see my photographic genius." But this is not the case. The reality of the situation is, I am not that impressive. That even goes for my climbing as well. If my boyfriend were not so generous with his advise I more than likely would not climb a single thing and that is more or less a fact. I accidentally filmed myself climbing one day and then watched it, not knowing it was me, I said, "Shit. That girl is fucking strong but has no technique. That boy is telling her what to do." Let me just say that it was very embarrassing to discover that it was none other than myself. I erased that video. It invoked the same feeling of those very embarrassing high school photos that you never wish to see again. Fuck. My boyfriend tells me to stay positive so I look at it this way: Fish are not the only thing you can eat.

The Story of the Voodoo King

The Voodoo King, believed to be the creator of the greater beings and holder of their true powers, lives in a land now known as the New River Gorge. He created the gorge with is own wooden mask which he dragged behind him as he beckoned the trees and water to follow him. The gorge, with its exposed rocks and raging river were meant to be the ultimate form of protection from the Great Father, the Great Mother, and the Dark Lord. The exposed rock would offer the Voodoo King the ability to hide himself in the moss and lichen while the raging river would make his footfalls inaudible. He sings to the forest and it is a song lower than the belch of the bullfrog and louder than fighting raccoons and it is a song of the dirt and roots of the Earth. He hides so that his offspring will not know of his existence and therefore will never discover their true abilities. In a way, the Voodoo King, fears his creations and their powers, yet he allows the land to be shaped by their decisions. The landscape of the Voodoo King's hide has changed greatly but do not be surprised if you feel you are being watched during your visit there and if you hear paddle strokes on the lake, late at night, know that it is the Voodoo King in his mighty mask seeking cool and sweet smelling place to rest his mind.

The Story of the Warrior's Test

After the Great Father's annihilation of the greatest warriors, the Great Mother and the Dark Lord decided that the Earth could not survive without the nature of the hunter, warrior and athlete. They decided to make the greatest test for those that wish to claim the spirit of the warrior for themselves and picked the location of this test in a dry, harsh, yet fragile environment. The Great Mother found a great lake and set the mighty Winds upon it so that it would dry. The Dark Lord created creatures of endurance and stealth to set loose on the land. This place was a land of wicked sands, constant winds, burning sun, and frigid nights. The land could keep a track fresh for hundreds of years and the paths lent themselves to very few options due to the steep and loose terrain. Warriors came from far and wide to test themselves and gathered at one of the many temples that the Great Mother and the Dark Lord had created at the entrance of the Warrior's Challenge. The Challenge's duration was ten years and it included three stages. The first stage (and the shortest) was meant to weed out the weak, faint of heart, and the less inclined to adaptation so it is solely based on survival. Once a Warrior has proven that they are capable of surviving in the Warrior's Test then they could move on to the next stage which meant the Warrior must successfully hunt specific animals with stone and spear. The Warrior could only kill an animal if they had a 'kill shot'. If the Warrior failed to kill directly then they suffered pain of death, immediately. The final stage of the Warrior's Test was by far the most challenging and long lasting due to the delicate nature of its object: A Warrior must hunt and kill one of the remaining Warriors in the Warrior's Test. The Warrior had a choice to leave at this stage of the Warrior's Test but few ever did and this was due to the belief by many that this would be the easiest part of the Warrior's Test but in this they were mistaken. Many Warriors had suffered a long and painful end because they had been tracking tracks that had been laid hundreds of years ago. Also, many of the final Warriors did not contemplate that they would have pure blood on their souls for the rest of their spiritual lifetimes thus binding themselves to the Earth forever. Few Warriors stood in the mighty temple at the end of the Warrior's Test but those few still walk this very Earth. Although, the great temples are mostly hidden by sand, the Warrior's test still exists as it did and it can be found today in a place that is called Joe's Valley.

The Trip

So I wrote my Will because I am going on a trip up to MD to go fishing and then we are flying from there to SLC. I am worried that something might happen and I want to make sure everything is in order so no one gets what they do not deserve. Call me a realist.

MD, SLC, New River

Super excited...

Yes Yes Yes Yes

• Ha! I was eating a little pre-packaged snack bag of carrots with a little thing of ranch dressing. When I was done, my pretty plump cat decided that she wanted to eat too so she stuck her head in the empty snack bag and suddenly the bag was attached to her face. She walked backwards toward the edge of the bed, shaking her head around, trying to get the bag off. I laughed so hard and desperately wanted to take a picture but I decided to save my poor cat from falling off the bed instead. Hilarious.
• I went to work yesterday. I left work with my boss riding her very handsome horse Santana. Not more than 45 minutes later, my boss calls me and says that a yearling, Foxy, has decided that he wanted to breed so he attempted to climb over the gate. The gate broke and caused such a stir that the other ponies broke through the other gate. Thus causing not just two but four paddocks to be thrown into an uproar. None the less Foxy managed to breed Daydream three times before my boss was able to remove him from her backside. This was very entertaining.
• Decided not to climb the Nose on Sunday. I admit that I was not feeling up to my feet being cooked in climbing shoes for several hours. Nor subjecting my boyfriend to the terror of climbing slab; fear does not promote a healthy sex life. So we went canoeing on the French Broad. We were both so excited about catching fish but apparently we were fishing the section of the Broad that does NOT have any fish. I knew as soon as the river started to smell like cow. So while my boyfriend paddled I sat in front with my umbrella, casting into all the slow moving eddies that floated by. (Ok, I paddled too, I'm not a total bitch.) Around the last bit of 6 o'clock, my boyfriend and I began to entertain the idea that we might have parked the second car along the wrong river and we would have to go all the way to Asheville to get a ride back. With each bend we became anxious to see the bridge we had parked at. Needless to say these thoughts were just plain silly but that is what happens when fishing trips don't involve any fish.

The Story of the River and How it Came to the Obed

One day the Great Father was sitting by a quiet stream when suddenly the Wind came and whispered in his ear that it had gone to Sphinx's garden with the Great Mother. The Great Father was intrigued by this and asked why the Great Mother had gone to the Sphinx's garden and the Wind replied that she was seeking a magical flower to resurrect her beloved. Of course the Great Father was instantly angered by this because of his jealous love of the Great Mother and at that instant he decided to put an end to remainders of Father Stone's work. The Great Father called forth the Water and commanded it cut into the rock and with those words the quiet stream turned into a raging torrent. Trees, dirt, and all life was ripped from the Earth and washed away. And slowly but surly the Water removed the rock but by doing so, the Water also made the remaining stone more prominent, beautiful, and featured than anyone could ever imagine. The reasons for this will be revealed in a much later Story but regardless the Great Father learned that attempts to tarnish memories will only embellish particular details.

Turning a Blind Eye

Into the Ring. It has gotten some negative reactions. Whatever. Silly people believe that it is sage advise not to let bullies, asshole, etc. bother you. They say to let someone put a negative shade on your day is major offense and clearly it is YOU not the asshole who has a problem but I do not believe this is the case. I believe that letting people walk all over you is an offense. I believe that turning a blind eye to ignorant behavior is a crime against society and to simply let nasty, cruel, and negative attitudes prevail is the major cause of all of humanities problems. Like a miniature invasion of Poland, people that don't put their foot down often do not see the cost of allowing such aggression until it is too late. The emotional nature of a person that seeks to inflict emotional damage on another being should never be placed in a position of power and turning a blind eye to that behavior is doing just that and nothing could be as foul. We owe it to the world to tell our friends, our partners, and associates, "Hey man, that was asshole thing to do/say." My former climbing partner was a firm believer in not allowing that sort of negative behavior to persist and she had no problem with telling someone that they were being an asshole. Lucky Badass is at Smith right now.

Abi Normal

I did not get the opportunity to train last night due to the fact that I had an abnormal pap smear. So I had to go to the doctor to have the cells on my cervix checked out. Bullshit. It was incredibly painful. Fucking biopsy. I cramped all last night and my poor boyfriend had to listen to me complain every time I woke up with these god awful pains that ran from the balls of my feet to behind my belly button. Fucking cervix. I would rather have the whole thing removed. I certainly don't plan on using it anytime soon or ever, for that matter. The funny thing is that I more than likely I deserve it; karmic backlash is one hell of an opponent. I stopped doing it but never ever do cocaine. The karma will haunt you for a very long time.

Getting in the Ring

When one begins to understand the psychology of war only then does one begin to win. I used to competitively spar in my more pathetic years but that sort of fight does not compare to the battles we often times fight amongst ourselves. Battles of wits, egos, and sheer poweress in trying social situations. I'm am not one to confine all of humanity into the box of 'assholes' 'dumb bitches' and 'cunts' but every now and then you run across people that would like nothing more than cut you down and make your needs subservient to their own. People that would be more than willing to rip their crash pad from underneath you because you got further on their project than they assumed you would. People that would hope with every fiber in their being that you won't or cannot do something that they themselves have done. People that despise any sort of success you have had because they could not accomplish such a task and then they are more than willing to base their judgement on a set of ethical frameworks that they do not follow themselves. Basically, these people exist and I, myself, would rather pull out my own fingernails than to see such people victorious, especially when they are toe to toe with me. I have seen it countless times where the meek or the yellowed bellied are easily over run by the fuckers and it breaks my heart. But nothing is better and nothing so sweet as when the time comes for them to run into someone like me or greater. This is where the psychology of war comes into play and how to turn any bitter shit head into a cowering chicken. It is not what they say or how they say it but the root emotion the speaker is trying to hide. Many will try cloak their true intent with snide comments, attempts to weaken your argumentative framework, or shit talking behind your back but that is when you stand up nice and tall, look them in the eye, put on a devilish smile and say "Who are you again?"

Crap.

New routes in the gym and I only trained once this week (tonight). Crappy training, if you could call it that. Ok. Learned my lesson, clearly I cannot take four days off and expect to climb well, good or great. I am excited about new routes though and I even set one myself. My first gym route! Hurray for my side! P.S. Beware of the rangers at Ghost Town. Hopefully, going to the Obed next weekend. Also, I got a text message from this guy that I apparently had really great sex with but I did not recognize the number. Once again I am proven correct...they always come back even if it is for their own reasons. (I am such an asshole.)

Dear Dave S.

Captain New England, I must admit that I was looking forward to getting the FA on the aid route at Ghost Town but none the less I am also willing to admit that a project such as that would take many years for me to complete. You, being an incredibly strong climber (I mean wicked strong), deserve the FA much more than I do and the only thing you truly did was prove to me that it is possible and my route reading abilities have not failed me. So thanks and you better stay away from Invisible Airways... just kidding. I'm not sure I want to work THAT hard.

Things on my Mind

Going to the Red River this weekend. I had a lousy training day Tuesday so I hung out with the Brevard College kids for a bit and then headed home. It seemed like a total waste of time but then I realized that I was the only girl and the only human in the gym that night who could pull off 'get-ups'. Also, I realize that rest is a vital aspect of any training program so is eating three hot dogs, a large tater tot, and a vanilla shake. Yummy. I've made some progress but I still have a long way to go before I can send the way I used to before my back problems. I listened to an interview on YouTube of Lynn Hill and her progression in the art of climbing and it was very interesting (Although, I do not follow any pro climbers on a regular basis. ie: meeting Chris Sharma and not knowing it was him) The genius student that wrote the thesis on how climbers progress in three general steps was phenomenal and absolutely true. Sometimes when I'm climbing now I very rarely feel the 'flow' but before it was an easily attainable aspect of my climbing. Of course, it could have been the setting, Smith Rock is a stunning place and the energy is other worldly. Perhaps I just need calm myself and realize that I have something really fabulous to look forward to in the future.

Itinerary to Being Scared Shit-less

1. Serious falls at the Red River (hard) 2. The Nose of Looking Glass (easy) 3. The Indirect to the Glass Menagerie (easy) 4. Creatures of Waste, Invisible Airways & Crippin Chicken (hard) 5. The Open Book (hard) 6. May Trip to Utah...Joe's Valley, Cottonwood?, and a few others (moderate) 7. The Open Book (it will NOT be easy) 8. The OR at Whitesides (fuck yeah) 9. Serious Ghost Town route (hard) 10. 2 Two week trips to the Red River (hard) Etc. (Hopefully joining the mile high club with my sexy ass rope gun boyfriend [funny])

The Water Table needs it but NOT me

Shit. My trip to the Red has been rained out...perhaps it should have stayed a desert;). Anyway, looking at my stats for the bouldering season, I have only climbed 57 problems at Rumbling Bald. Bullshit. I wanted to complete 100 by the end of the season but due to injuries, Bald closures, and the occasional lack of motivation I am nowhere near completing my task. Now it is practically rope season and I am terrified. I have been training in the gym about twice a week (I got 28 problems down and then do "get-ups" with the 60 lbs bag) and I have been working on the indirect to the Glass Menagerie to get my head right but I am still flipping the fuck out below the long sling under the roof. (The climbing feels like 5.8) It has been suggested that I read the Rock Warriors Way but I have the feeling I should try to get to the Red River ASAP and take some serious (non-slab) whippers. I have not led a climb in over a year and a half, being on top rope scares the shit out of me (especially with these zig-zagging North Carolina slab lines) and basically I am in a pathetic state of climbing. I don't understand where this fear comes from, whenever I am in the boulder field I am more than willing to hit up the low V grade highballs that most would walk away from but as soon as I tie in I am suddenly a different climber. Perhaps it is my back injury but I truly believe it is simply irrational fear. I suppose I need a compelling project and I think I have some idea what it might be...

The Story of the Sphinx and its Garden

In a place that is now called the Red River Gorge, there live a mythical creature with the head of a human and the body of a lion. No one to this day knows where this creature came from, some would say it traveled across the big water and some would even boast that it was a gift from Eternity herself, to our tiny blue planet. But regardless of this creature's origin, it had but one purpose and that was to create a garden of all the plants and plant-like beings of all the universes. The Sphinx was a wise and talented creature and picked what is now known as the Red River Gorge to be the site of this mythical garden due to its incredibly malleable sands and excellent supplies of water. The Sphinx began its task by making great shelves, platforms, overhangs, corridors, and walls with its two gigantic front paws. With each stroke, the Sphinx would release its claws and create several pockets for each type of unique plant life and when the Sphinx was done, it allowed the sand to harden while it traveled the universes to find each species. The Sphinx collected and collected until its task was complete and due to the intelligence of the garden's creator, the garden flourished, growing more lush and vibrant with each season. The variety of plant life was spectacular but by far the most astounding plant within the garden was a plant from the farthest reaches of any universe, (no one knows its true name) the fountain flower. This flower was the color of the purest gold and its smell was so intoxicating that it was known to give the smeller eternal youth. So powerful was this flower that it was even known to resurrect the dead and cure all sickness, except for one...heart break. The Sphinx tried as best it could to keep this particular plant a secret but it was absolutely impossible to keep a secret from the Wind. The Wind blew through the gorge, caught sight of the fountain flower one day and from that point on the Wind became infatuated with its beauty. But just as no secret could be kept from the Wind, the Wind could keep no secret, especially when the Wind's beloved mother, the Great Mother, was grieving over the loss of her Father Stone. So the Wind told the Great Mother of the beautiful flower it had found, in hopes that it would cheer her up and Wind was so pleased with itself because the Great Mother instantly snapped out of her depression. The Great Mother flew as fast as she could to the location of the gorge but as she began to enter, the Sphinx stopped her dead in her tracks. She had never seen such a creature. The Sphinx knew of her intentions for it was a powerful creature but the Sphinx was unaware of her desperation. The Great Mother stood before the beast and said she knew of the flower, its origins, and its powers because an ancient being, the Wisdom Tree, had told her. She asked the Sphinx if she could use the flower to bring back her lover but the Sphinx simply gazed at her with its golden eyes and did not move from the path. The Great Mother attempted to get around the Sphinx but it would not remove itself. Then the Great Mother attempted any and all sorts of trickery for the following weeks in an attempt to allude the Sphinx and get the flower. She tried sleeping potions, disguises, traps, and even tunnels to no avail. Finally, on her last nerve the Great Mother summoned the Wind and approached the Sphinx for the last time. With the Wind howling behind her, the Great Mother walked up to the great Sphinx and demanded that it turn over the fountain flower or she would destroy the Sphinx itself. The Sphinx closed its enormous eyes and spoke, "Caretaker of the sky, you will only destroy what you seek." And with those final words the Sphinx dissipated into sand and all the plants the Sphinx ever touched disappeared thus turning the gorge into a desert for many centuries. The Great Mother sent the Wind to discover if the fountain flower suffered the same fate as the rest but the Wind's search was fruitless and the fountain flower did not reappear in history for many centuries. Oddly enough, when life began to return to the gorge, only then did the fountain flower began to be mentioned in the old fairy tales again and although many have searched, only a few have found this mystical plant. To this day it is believed that the fountain flower still lives somewhere in the gorge and I recommend that we keep our eyes and noses open for the golden light of a long forgotten universe and the smell of a heaven none of our kind will ever reach.

Going to the Red

Going to the Red River Gorge this weekend and with any luck I will not be a huge pussy and flip the fuck out when I get higher than 60 feet. Don't worry I will let you know if I piss myself in the near future.

Back to School

I got my acceptance letter yesterday and I will be attending UNCA's post-baccalaureate degree program Fall 2009. Hurray for my side!!!! So I have somethings to look forward to like, being back in academia, being close to Rumbling Bald and all its 1000 problems, having a good selection of restaurants, and not having to move all my stuff and my compulsively car shitting cat 500 miles away. Things that I don't look forward to are, Asheville traffic, stupid jive ass college kids, yuppies, and having to switch from the Brevard gym to the Asheville gym.

Yeppers

Hey ya'll... I know it had been awhile but I can honestly say that I simply do not have any thing interesting to write. I have gone through a whole gantlet of emotions due to my blessed/cursed/evil period but luckily I have not killed, threatened, or beat the crap out of anyone thus far. I have been saving money and I have been heavily involved with a pretty intense training routine in the climbing gym. First I start out with 'get ups' which are absolutely hilarious. Picture a 40 pound sack filled with wood-chips that you place on your shoulder, then you lay down on the ground and use any means possible to 'get up' as long as the bag stays on your shoulder. Funny. I have farted way more than anyone ever should in the climbing gym. (I try to do about 5 on each side) Then the second part of regime involves attempting to do every problem in the gym which is also very humorous. I get one attempt on each problem unless I am have a sequence issue then I might try it again. Talk about getting spanked. (I try to complete around 25 problems ranging from V0 to V4) Then if I am feeling really ambitious I try to do a set of 4 by 4s or climbing 4 problems 4 times each. The hardest part about the whole training thing is not only do your hands hurt so bad that that you do not want to touch ANYTHING but you also want to drink a nice frosty beer. MMMmmm Beer.

The Story of Cloud Foot, Falling Leaf, and Weeping Creek

Once there lived a tribe in a valley, not far away from a place called HorsePens. This tribe was led by a brave and cunning warrior by the name of Weeping Creek. Weeping Creek was concerned about the well being of his tribe and went to consult the Reader of the Sky to see how successful the next harvest would be in the coming season. The Reader cast her eyes upon the deepest pool in the river and watched the moon's reflection rise and fall. The Reader of the Sky saw great famine in the land and civil war among the elders but there was one solution to the coming crisis. Weeping Creek watched the Reader for many days until the moon returned to the land and the oracle told of the necessity for war. The oracle advised Weeping Creek to gather his warriors and lay siege to the rocks of Horse Pens for the Gods would look upon the act favorably and prevent any harm befalling the tribe. Unfortunately, the rocks of Horse Pens were controlled by a fierce tribe under the leadership of Falling Leaf, a brave and bloodthirsty warrior. Weeping Creek was concerned and being the careful leader he was, he decided to capture a deer and paint himself and his fellow warriors with the blood directly from the deer's heart in order to help the Gods recognize his tribe in the heat of battle. Weeping Creek and his tribe traveled in the dark of night until the sun rose upon rocks of Horse Pens and there the battle began. Both sides fought with valour and on quiet feet but Weeping Creek began to notice that his warriors were beginning to fall and his bravest fighters were showing signs of injury. Before Weeping Creek could begin to doubt the gods he became overwhelmed with an idea. Weeping Creek knew Falling Leaf's tribe kept their horses locked in a wooded pen on the far side of the rocks so he quickly ran to the area with the younger warriors, released the horses and then scared them into the battle. Within this herd of horses was Falling Leaf's favorite horse, Cloud Foot. Cloud Foot was very much like a brother to Falling Leaf and was a gift to him from the Great Father himself. But with the heat of battle burning and the horses running through the lines of fire, Falling Leaf was unable to fight with all of his force because of his love for Cloud Foot and to Falling Leaf's dismay, Cloud Foot was fatally wounded by an arrow before his eyes. Falling Leaf was forced to have mercy on his brother Cloud Foot. Falling Leaf was so emotionally wounded by killing his beloved friend that at that moment, Falling Leaf took his own life by impelling himself on the handle of his own tomahawk. Weeping Creek's campaign was successful and the harvest was one of unknown bounty but few members of his tribe dare enter the Rocks of Horse Pens around the new moon because of the spirits of Falling Leaf and Cloud Foot that still roam there. To this day you can still hear the war call of Falling Leaf and the hoof falls of the great horse Cloud Foot.

Space is my curse

Need another place to live. No luck.

The Classic Overhang

Today. Rumbling Bald was opened. The Classic Overhand V3... Picture the last crimps up top and then me falling right smack on my face on a pile of crash pads. Bullshit. Most of the people left after that little exploitation by gravity because it freaked everyone out, except for me. I got back up and tried again but was once again rejected. Such bullshit. Bouldering is hard.

Sloper Fest

I have decided to go to SloperFest 2009 and climb some contrived, sandbagged, and challenging boulders. Did I mention that it would also be in front of a bunch of strangers? So in preparation for this 'landmark' event I have decided to start mission FISH or the Fucking, ICan, Swimming, and Hitting stuff Method. Oh yeah, if someone wants to come with me and help make fun of me, I would love the company. Serious.

House-sitting and Paranoia

I am house-sitting for a nice lady and her husband. They own a heart shaped hot tub, three horses, two dogs, and a cat. Their house is big and has nice furniture. My cat likes it here. I sleep in a comfy bed and am absolutely paranoid. I walk quietly and lock all the doors. I have no gun and feel very vulnerable. It is hard going to sleep at night because there are noises I do not recognize. If I were a badass I would not be so scared. This sort of fear is worse than climbing scared because it is not a fear that is diminished by endangerment, like purposely taking a whipper, it is a fear based on worry and suspicion. Wish I had that .45 under my pillow. Night sights would be nice too.

Brother Horse and the Trick he Played

Long ago before the creation of Horse Pens 40, Brother Horse was walking about the forest on a spring day and was so bored that he could hardly think of a single trick to play, that was until he noticed Brother Bear taking a nap by a minnow hole. Brother Horse suddenly got an excellent but cruel idea and began gathering materials for his next infamous prank. (You see little do today's young folks know that Brother Bear once had a luxurious and beautiful tail, that is, until Brother Horse performed his evilest prank.) So, while Brother Bear was napping, Brother Horse gathered up the forest's biggest beehive with the branches of a hemlock tree and slowly dragged it to the hill above the minnow hole. Once Brother Horse was in position, he grabbed the hemlock branches and he threw the beehive down the hill and it landed smack on Brother Bear's beautiful tail, breaking the hive open and spilling the honey and the bees all over Brother Bear. Brother Bear was completely startled and panic stricken that that he tried to dash to the minnow hole but on the the way his tail became stuck in between two rocks. Brother Bear struggled so hard to get away from the very angry bees that he ripped his tail clean off and tripped right into the minnow hole. Brother Bear caused such a stir around the minnow hole that all the near by animals came to see what was going on, only to find Brother Bear totally drenched and Brother Horse laughing so hard that his hooves almost fell off. All the Brothers and Sisters of the forest laughed so much that Brother Bear vowed never to befriend any of them ever again. To this day the bear lives a solitary life and the minnows always hide at any disturbance.

An Admission

These are the things I should work on: 1. I should stop smoking 2. I need to seriously train for climbing instead of dicking around the gym and making fruitless attempts to climb things that I clearly cannot climb. 3. I need to start taking a yoga class 4. I should put away more money in my savings 5. I need to go swimming a least twice a week 6. I have to truly commit to my decision not to go to law school and start the application process to attain a biology or physical science degree. 7. I need to switch birth-control so I don't blow someones fucking brains out in traffic or rip the fuck out of some one's asshole when they are acting like a stupid ass rock jock. 8. I should stop cussing so much 9. I need to start processing myself and discuss the more traumatizing events of my life with people 10. I should take a golf club and break everything in sight so I have an excuse to declutter 11. I have to finish my goal of climbing 100 new problems at the Bald before the end of the season.

February and Self Loathing

I hate February. It seems like everything that has ever bothered me, my whole life is suddenly stepping on my heart and strangling tears from my eyes. Perhaps it is merely winter time depression or just the simple fact that every year February is the time when a majority of bad things happen to me. (Example: Rumbling Bald, hurting my wrist, and getting bit for the first time by a pony.) I hate February. Someone advised that I should work on self improvement rather than being caught up on the external matters of life but honestly, wouldn't that course of action simply be an admission to the fact that I am not perfect? I hate February.

Rumbling Bald and the curse of Maintenance

WTF. There goes night bouldering during the weekdays. I am totally distraught right now. The next thing you know they will be selling rumbling bald tee-shirts and big stuffed boulders in the shape of the crescent. FireFly cove will have guided tours and the whole scene will become a spectacle for mainstream amusement. WTF. Of course there are other boulder fields out there but I want to send these specific projects while I still can. Edward Abbey would shit himself.

Still Here

Ok. Good News: My boyfriend is being nice to me again i.e. not nagging and I think that whole period in our relationship has come to an end. Thank Goodness. Although, I really do need to find someone else to climb with because it has become more apparent that my ability level is so much lower than his and I find myself without a spotter due to his need to run off and work on a project. I want him to enjoy himself BUT sometimes it is just not fun for me. We don't work on climbs together like I would with a partner of my ability level and although I learn a lot from him, I think it is kind of a one way street. I have nothing to offer. Bad News: I hurt my wrist and I have no finger tips. I want to go swimming because it is the best climbing exercise EVER but without tips and a totally functioning wrist, I am a no go for the pool. So I have been eating A LOT and wanting to go climbing so bad it hurts. I am so close to finishing the girl beta for leprechaun promenade that I only need three or four more sessions to slap that sucker all together and then any girl (well at least one my height or taller) will be able to climb that silly V5. I mean sure, I could train and learn how to campus and stick a Mary Poppins swing but I want to contribute this one thing to world of female climbing. Shit. I have only been working on it for the past three months and it is a real V5, unlike the crystalline entity.

Wish I could Campus

http://vimeo.com/2307340 If I could campus, dyno, and float a little... it would be so much easier to climb.

I tried and trued

I wish my current boyfriend would stop nitpicking at me. Last night I drove all the way to his house (35 minutes away) after work. I take him to dinner ($69) then I take him to the movies ($21) which is all the way back where I live (so another 35 minute drive). Then we go back to his house (another 35 minute drive) and so for some reason he thinks it is ok to get mad at ME for saying that his armpits stink! I had the worse cramps last night and since he was MAD at me for saying that his armpits stink he was not the least bit compassionate. He wouldn't even cuddle with me because he wanted to throw a hissy fit. Last weekend was even worse because he wanted to break up with me because I left a plate, an un-opened beer, and a towel on the floor. Even though I have done his dishes, made his bed, scooped his litter box, cleaned up the crap he leaves in MY car, and once again driven to his house numerous times to see him. He complains that I don't respect his feelings and then has the audacity to accuse me of cheating on him or not finding him attractive anymore. I just wish that he would just tell me what is going on instead of trying to push me away by his seemingly constant criticism. He says that I have been acting distant lately and wonders why.

The Things We Do For Blood

Climbing. It is truly a dangerous drug. There is so much preparation that goes into the whole picture. First, you must be strong and know how to use your body. Second, you have to have a good head and allow the moment to take a hold of you so you don't freak out about the fact that your spotter is drinking your beer and is NOT going to catch you. Third, you have to be smart enough to listen to your body so you don't get injured. Fourth, when you get injured because you always will, you must try to continue climbing but figure out a way not to use that injured body part. (For example, if you hurt your ankle, you have to figure out a way to climb with one leg. Or if you hurt your shoulder, you have figure out a way of climbing with one arm or with your teeth.) Fifth, you have to always keep trying newer and harder climbs because the rush is so addictive that if you don't send, you will feel blue for days and obsess. "Maybe I should have put my hand there...?" "Maybe I should have switched my feet before...." "Maybe..."

Big Bad Rock

I have finally found someone that is interested in climbing this beautiful route in a not so secret area. There is a great possibility that this route might be an aid climb ie it might not have been freed before. I was so excited about this route but now I am slightly worried that climbing this route might be far above my abilities...no pun intended. It is so beautiful with its vast exposure and orange face. It reminds me of Smith and of time when I was stronger, so long ago. I cannot help but to be pleased with myself I have only been back in the rock rodeo for a little over four months but that might not be enough. I suppose I must train.

Howdy OUT there

This Blogger thing reminds me of being up on stage and the stage lights are so high that I cannot see if anyone is out in the audience. HELLOOOOO autonomy! If this were really a stage I would make the mic feedback so I could detect the audience... Too bad this is not real life huh? Alright, let me explain how someone who has only been on this site for 3 days has somehow managed to write 160+ blogs. Well, the answer is simple, I have been writing for the past four years and this is the only crap I have to offer the cyber, jack me off, then stalk you world. I will apologize now for any disappoints my writing will cause you in the future and in the past. Really, did you notice my suicidal stage about 50 blogs ago? Or my obsession for revenge and my lust for climbing? More than likely NOT because I am such a terrible writer that it would be impossible for me to convey such expressions of emotion. So just bear with me and DON'T LAUGH!! I'm more serious than a scary clown in your boyfriend's lingerie.

T.S.

Oh, the snobs of the world rejoice! You have yet another one of you among yourselves! All I want is information and for some reason by seeking information I am going to ruin everyone else's good time. A good time that I, of course, cannot have. I swear to god if I ever meet this mother fucker I am going to give him such a tongue lashing that his jaw will break. I cannot believe the audacity of some people. And the funny thing about the whole situation is that there are maps all over the Internet of the area I want to know about. Too fucking bad it does not have the information I need on them and therefore I have to fucking go out of my way to ask a bunch of bitching fucking climbing snobs what I need to know. I am obsessed...please have mercy.

And the Projects say? 46

"Climb me stupid girl." I might have climbed the softest V5 at Rumbling Bald and at first I was thrilled (seeing as how it was my first V5 at Rumbling Bald and a V5 after a considerable amount of time away from climbing) but now it seems a little lack luster. There is something about the gimmes that just seem a little unfair due to the fact that your hopes get so high and then they are dashed to hell by some sandbagged V3. Who knows what fabulous thing Isarna will climb next? Stay tuned and don't climb my fucking projects.

Cigarettes

There have been a lot of habits that I have had to deal with, like, nail biting, socially drinking, caffeine, a former psychological addiction to marijuana, and cigarettes. Stinking, filthy, unhealthy cigarettes. Of course it does not seem so bad. Shit, its not like I got a raging head ache from not taking a bong rip like I do if I don't drink a cup of coffee. But cigarettes, are a whole other story, there is no satisfaction in smoking a cigarette. They do not get you high, they don't taste good, the end result is totally unsatisfying (unlike nail biting) and they make you smell funny. WTF

The Woods

Rocktown. Hunting Season. NO Bathrooms. What does this all mean? More than likely every hunter in La Fayette Georgia has seen me take a crap in a cat hole in the middle of the woods. Although, I looked all around to see if anyone was wearing the infamous hunter orange... I bet someone must have seen me take a dump and this, to some degree, bothers me. I think next time I will take a big poster board with a message that says, "DO NOT WATCH ME TAKE A CRAP PLEASE." I will hold this message up in the air like those t&as do around the boxing ring except this sign will have strands of toilet paper flying from the edges and I will also be wearing more clothing and hiking boots. Perhaps this will allow me to have some privacy or could garner attention... pooping in the woods is hard work.

Fuck...

Please do not let me be forever cursed by my stupid ass mistakes. I am not totally positive I deserve it.

A Crux of a Situation

What do you do when you have nothing in common with someone you care about? How do you go about dealing with the fact that this person is basically not on the same page? You ask them, when was the last time they went to an art gallery or read a new essay on string theory and they have nothing to say. You probe further and ask if they have ever sat in on a book club with Charles Taylor's wife and well, they have nothing to say. You even go as far as asking if they have any thoughts on the pro and cons of the daisy chain and they have nothing to say. You cannot even talk about gardening. What is going on with family today if you cannot talk about plants? I simply do not understand and it does not make matters any better when they are so hell bent on putting you down hurtfully and purposely because of their insecurities. I do not understand how they can lavish such praise on trash when a broader world, that is full of art, literature, news, and stunning people, is calling. Perhaps it is my age or hopefully, it is a matter of awaking from a frightful slumber.

Good God

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDmJZ2aEMr4&eurl=http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=55259351&page=1&feature=player_embedded

Video Tips

Climbing videos basically suck for the most part (except King Lines & The Sharp End... Mr. Sharma has won me over) but here are some tips to make your next video awesome. 1. Pick out some music that is so phenomenal, no one could possibly wish to mute said music, like some mainstream hip pop. Better yet prevent viewers from muting your music tastes. 2. If your climbing something, be sure not to look scared and if in the event you are terrified, make sure to smile like some sort of demented clown, it will hide your fear. 3. After a difficult move, stop, look at the camera, and give a thumbs up. This is a simple means of telling viewers that you are a bad ass. 4. Also, ALWAYS climb wearing as few clothes as possible so everyone can see your rippling muscles. This is very important because SEX SELLS even if your climbing a V0, no one will notice. 5. Finally, when you send a tough project, flash your hands at the camera so everyone can see how tore up they are and then viewers will know you are such a hard ass for climbing on bloody, raw, and wounded hands. And tell the viewers that you really felt you were one the rock and make sure to drop a couple of names of a few big time climbers. Also, don't forget to tell everyone that the climb was "totally rad" or "mad sick". These tips will make your next climbing video get so many hits on You Tube, the feds might even set up a task force.

Good Medicine or Real life Discovery Channel

Have you ever seen a snake slithering up a tree into a nest? It is strange when you hear the chirping stop and yet there is still noise all around, as though, those baby birds where never there or never mattered. What is it about the tragedies that occur everyday that make them so easy to ignore? For example, what about the Gaza massacres... it seems the only people that pay any attention to such matters are the oil companies, hence the rise in gas prices. But I can easily ignore the fact that on the other side of the world there are children, mothers, fathers, family, bleeding to death in the streets because the hospitals are not out fitted for those particular emergency conditions. What a New Year, right? Thank you ignorance because if your smart, at least part of the time, you realize that it is all about options. Options come in all sizes and best of all you don't have to choose all of them at once time. I know this makes no sense and I have no way of tying that snake thing back into this story but here goes...even though those birds had no idea what was going on, you can bet your ass that the snake had a plan the whole time. So you have to ask yourself, are you the bird or the snake?

Dearest Crescent

You make everyone nervous at first. You look down at everyone and it makes many feel very intimidated but for those that are not, over confidence can led to bruised heels, broken arms, sprained wrists, shattered ankles, and even blood blisters. The fact is, you are a beautiful boulder and your lines are so clean and powerful I could not help but to stare every time I walked by you for these past two years. Today, dare I say, I fondled your flakes and gorged my flesh on your crevices. I even threw a heel in there for good measure. Of course I became a little over vigorous and my belt buckle got stuck but with all said in and done I am very thankful for many many crash pads.

2009

Sagittarius Outlook for 2009 11/22 – 12/21 Year 2009 Overview You tend to attract just about everything you want this year through your warmth and magnetic Sagittarian That said, you may also go through some great transformational shifts in 2009 as you realize that your happiness no longer depends so much on possessions, but rather on the deeper meaning associated with things symbolic of love and sharing. Instead of controlling what's happening around you, you now have experiences that perhaps you don't understand, but in allowing new insights to come in and have a voice, the rearranging of your resources and your values gives you a sense of security and growth. By surrendering to your higher power, you realize you don't have to struggle as much to get what you want. As you open up to the ideas and energies flowing around you, your priorities shift dramatically. And -- you'll be happy to know -- you don't need to work as hard to enjoy sensual pleasures either! Great opportunities arise as your explore your potential, and discover what kind of environment best serves you in your endeavors. Being in touch with this part of yourself helps you align with your higher purpose, and your drive to continue will lead to great success. Life becomes much easier when you trust that the universe will take care of you. Year 2009 Career You're fascinated by just about everything that happens in 2009, and you'll be inspired to pursue all the opportunities that come your way. Writing and other forms of communication are a great way to put your higher ideals and dreams into motion. Writing about your success in overcoming obstacles could be of great benefit to the world. The exchange of ideas brings balance and harmony into your work. Trusting that everything is in divine order will help bring you great success and comfort in your career. As long as you are in tune with your own personal energy, and respect the ebb and flow of life, you are able to recharge and realign yourself to the new work possibilities on the horizon. Come springtime, you will discover new creative outlets and reach new mastery in your work as you connect with a higher purpose. You feel competent in all aspects of your job, and by autumn you feel financially secure as you are tear down the old and rebuild the new. Endurance is yours, and it will be easy for you to actualize positive results and maintain high integrity. Be mindful to honor all that you have done.

Tips for the Off Season

So winter, thank god, is about half way done and I think now is the appropriate time to offer some helpful tips for off season bouldering this late spring and summer. These tips will ensure your send potential in the off season. First, if you see a wasp nest, be sure to slap it like that southern sandstone sloper. Better yet, try to get a toe hand match on that sucker because that extra hold was not there during the winter. Second, if you walk into the boulder field and see a boulder with vines all over the top, especially the three leaf kind, be sure to climb it anyway. The vines will give you the extra help you need send that project. Third, when you see a spider, make sure you eat it before it eats you. Fourth, when your climbing up the boulder and you get to a large in-cut horizontal, make sure there are no snakes in there by vigorously reaching your hand all the way in there and shaking it around. Your climbing partner will thank you... maybe. Fifth, don't use bug spray because the bears will smell it. Better yet, use horse shit because the constant slapping will keep your muscles limber and primed for the summer send. Also, if your having issues with that project you floated up in the winter then its not the tempts fault, its yours for sucking ass. Get out and climb fat ass. Happy New Year!

Alas

Readers. Sorry I am so boring and lack so much imagination that I cannot tell you the story of the first flying reindeer. Instead, I have come up with another idea that is nothing close to the Christmas spirit. The Story of the Great Mother and the Trick She Played One freezing day, the Great Mother was out walking on the big water when she noticed the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit fighting over an extravagant elk fur. The Great Mother was so tired of these two interfering in the lives of the moral and immortal creatures, herself included, that she decided to put them in their place. She quickly devised a plan and boldly walked up to the fighting pair. Once the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit beheld her beauty, she slyly said that her need was great and her passion like fire so one of them by his self could not possibly satisfy her but together there was great potential. (The Great Mother was well aware of the lust the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit shared for her.) Stroking the elk fur, the Great Mother invited them both to a cave on a high mountain pass that was far above the valley floor. With those words, she slung the elk fur around her shoulders and flew as fast as she could up to the before mentioned cave. As she entered the cave she looked back to see the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit close behind her and right when she entered the darkness she turned into a moth and flew out of the cave right when the Dark Lord and the Great Spirit tumbled in the opening. Little did the lust stricken pair know that the cave belonged to that of a large Yettie and so therefore they did not notice the smell. The Dark Lord and Great Spirit began their copulation rituals with what they thought was the lovely elk fur clad Great Mother but soon they discovered they where greatly mistaken. The Yettie awoke from his nap and was so enraged by the liberties the pair had taken that the Yettie grabbed them both by their ass hairs and threw them so far out of the cave that they landed far from where their misadventure began. Later, they both swore they heard a wicked laughter for days after the incident.

Ah HA!

Page last updated at 10:57 GMT, Friday, 19 December 2008 http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/south_yorkshire/7791427.stm Man's £5 debt repaid 39 years on Mr Webb said he would give the £200 to charity...... A Sheffield man who lent a penniless Australian tourist £5 to pay for a ferry trip in 1969 has been repaid his debt nearly 40 years later. While Jim Webb was out, a card and £200 was hand delivered to his home by Gary Fenton, to repay the money he borrowed when they met in Ostend, Belgium. A note inside read: "To Jim Webb, a good man. From Gary Fenton, a tardy payer of debts." Mr Webb, 72, has appealed for Mr Fenton to get back in touch. .. Mr Webb and a friend were travelling around Europe in April 1969 when they met the Australian traveller, then in his early 20s, at a ferry port in Ostend. He said: "A young man came up to us and said he hadn't got enough money to get back to England and would we lend him £5 and he'd repay us as soon as he could afford it." The three men travelled back to England and when they parted Mr Fenton took Mr Webb's address, but he never heard from him. .. .. In this day and age promises are made and promises are broken and you lose your faith in human nature Jim Webb.... Then on Sunday, he returned to his home in Bradway to find the surprise card. Mr Webb said: "I was quite emotional when I read it. In this day and age promises are made and promises are broken and you lose your faith in human nature. "This was a lovely gesture. Forty years is a long time - it must have been preying on his mind that he hadn't repaid his debt. "He said he was giving me £200 as that was £5 for every year that had gone by." Mr Webb said the card explained how Mr Fenton, who now lived in Sydney, had come across his address while looking through some old papers. His note said he had decided to pay him a visit and repay his debt while on a trip to London. Mr Webb, who is giving the £200 to charity, said: "He didn't leave an address or telephone number, just an email address which I have tried but so far I haven't heard back. "I am very sorry I was not in on Sunday... he would have been very welcome here. Hopefully we will be able to make contact, it would be wonderful to meet up again."

And YOU Are?

To some the world has been held hostage by tyrants and terrorists but all the while the rooster still crows and the cows still produce milk. It might not be 100% organic but the cow more than likely does not give a shit. The wind still blows and although it is filled with second hand smoke, gas fumes, and particulates; the trees do not care. The ocean still rises and falls even though there are dead bodies, pollutants, and poisons floating around. My point being, fear and hate are enough to scare some people into a mouse-like state of being and sometimes those things are enough to drive people, even people you love, to do some terrible things but those actions are not the only happenings in the universe. In fact, I have an excellent personal example of just such an occurrence. I know someone I really love but they are so stricken with jealousy (due to their fear of being insignificant) that they go out of their way to attain every material thing I have ever wanted. Now I will not try to fool you… I like material things and shiny new stuff but I am not obsessed with it, like I used to be and at one time this made me really upset. I thought, how could someone that is supposed to love me be so callous and so selfish??? But now I understand. I have all the things that they will never have and cannot buy. I am young and sometimes down right attractive. I have a good sense of humor and I am, to say the least, fucking intelligent and not just in a book smart way either. I am motivated and have a strong sense of self. I am Isarna. Well, you get the point. The fact is, just because this loved one ran out and bought everything they can barely afford because I desired it, does not make them successful or better than me, it just makes them petty and it is sad. This loved one also has grandiose ideas that their offspring is going to become something more than just a landscaper because they want so desperately to believe that they will be apart of something big but they are just setting themselves up for failure and it is ashame because you just want to grab them by the head and say, “you’re the only person who can make YOU happy.” Sometimes we may question why are people so fucked up, why they are so selfish, and what makes them act the way they do but all ridiculous actions come from the same place, fear. Perhaps, it is nature deficiency or simply the inability of certain types of people to step back and see what is really going on around them. It is going to rain… I should find my umbrella.

Most of the time they just steal my sunglasses

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=48165394

What is Mine is NOT Yours

I know you did it... put chalk on my project. I know you think everyone should get a turn and there is some sort of fairness when it comes to the boulders but you are wrong when I am involved. Perhaps you think it will impress me if you go up to my project and flash it like so many have before you but you are once again wrong. Now I understand that you need a few cheerleaders around to encourage you so you bring up some dumb broads that don't climb to cheer you on and that's ok with me. Some girls even though they are stupid are pretty cool but don't drag them down to my project, flash it in front of them (because you climbed it over 15 times), and then stand around and watch me. Like you are trying to prove something to them. Sorry I am not drooling all over you but my boyfriend is way sexier than you and he is most definitely a better climber. (He is also super nice and makes me coffee but that is beside the point.) The fact is once I declare something a project, it is mine and in order to assure this possession of something that cannot be owned, I peed on it, so there.