Intellectual Ejaculation

What could I write that would truly impress you? Honestly, I cannot think of a single goddam thing. I could write about riding my bike into a lake... on accident or how I fell into a dank pool of mosquito larva... on accident. Or about how condoms make the best fucking water balloons ever (ha! get it) or how my cat has gotten fat enough to not want to clean her ass... Instead, I will write about the nature of truth. When someone says something hurtful it just might be the truth rearing its ugly head in your face. But, no doubt, the truth is not the only thing thats hurtful. In fact, some of the most hurtful things are those that are the farthest from the truth and your thinking to yourself "Man, how could this person totally misinterpret everything I said or did?" Shit. Clearly, the fan is on and it just blew your plan all over the place. Someone foiled the plot and put it in the oven at 350 for and hour and a half then used a dull knife to serve out each portion and that person was none other than yourself. You did it! Guilty as charged but that is what you get for plotting because instead of trying to drag the truth out of others with some crack pot scam, you should have been the one to lay it on the table and say "It just small because its cold in here."