Why Planning and Goal Setting is Such a Bad Idea?

Hound Ears is this weekend! I am super excited but I fear that my goals of bumping my point standing for my division is not going to happen. The gym has ruined me. Alas, I fear that my division choice will also be bumped down from intermediate to beginner and I know that I could bitch about the fact that intermediate should be V2 to V4 or whatever but that line of rational is far beneath me. No I will just simply say that I will NEVER set goals for my climbing EVER AGAIN. I failed to climb my mile by 500 feet and I failed to send even one of my rope projects, although most of those were five year projects but regardless, NEVER AGAIN! The bitter taste in my mouth is far too unpleasant.

And the Clock Keeps on Ticking

I am in an unhealthy relationship. I have figured it out and every month since July my boyfriend has walked out on me. He even did it last Friday. I suppose my moving has put a strain on our relationship so much in fact that we did not even celebrate our one year anniversary. I seriously doubt that we will see year number two. Damnit. I thought I was so close to being with someone that I could travel the world with and share my experiences with without judgement or close mindedness but I do believe this ball has fallen short of the fence. It figures. I told you the last time that I thought that I would be unable to recover from the last "break up" but I think this time really did it. It is so hard to walk around with such pain in your heart and to know that the person you loved so much does not care a bit about you. Why would anyone inflict such emotional violence on someone that they care about? I honestly cannot think of an instance were they would. Does not everyone deserve a relationship were they feel safe? Apparently I don't. He claims that he wants a certain level of intimacy with me but how can I possible feel close to someone or want to be close to someone who is constantly walking out? Another thing that bothered me was the fact that we went out with some of my closest friends and all he could talk about was his experiences with his ex's or girls that he had dated. TO MY FRIENDS. I am such a fool.

Tales of a Scab Eater

Chattanooga, TN. I know there are boulder fields there that few have seen and supposedly they are amazing. But who can really say? They are also jealously guarded so these rumors of the best highballs, or amazing rock quality could simply be the tell tales of elitists. Wouldn't it be easy to convince anyone that a boulder field is "badass" if they did not know where it is and were never going to find out. Wouldn't that just make you want to find out more? All to often I have been told tales of phenomenal boulder fields that are in my area and after much research, looking at satellite images and topo's, even throwing the occasional bribe in there "Hey you show me your boulder field and I'll show you where to get a first ascent" sort of deal, I have hiked, trespassed and even bullshitted my way into these mythical boulder fields only to be severely disappointed, heart broken even. So Chattanooga, you haborer of climbing elitists, I will give you a word of warning; if one person cannot keep a secret, two sure as hell cannot! Get ready to be infiltrated.

Delusions of the Methodical Mind

I will tell you this in confidence because I believe that you are a lot like me. For some reason or another I feel compelled to share a bit of my past because like me, you have more than likely been in a situation in which you have wanted something. This something is different for everyone but most people truly desire one thing in particular and that is often the companionship of another and more often than not this "other" is already preoccupied by another relationship. Its a shame in deed but on an even sharper note, I, of all people, feign the high road and say "oh lets just be friends." The girlfriends gave me the evil glare, they knew what I was up to but in order to not seem like the majorly unattractive "crazy bitches" they were, they let me slide in and out of their significant other's life. Painting a pretty smile on my face, pretending I even cared, and sometimes, yes sometimes dropping hints right in front of the odd couple that said, "I'm better, stronger, and way smarter than you... bitch." She would laugh, I would laugh and funny enough he (as in they) would laugh with a gleam in his eye. Clever me, right? Truth be told, they all knew what I was doing and how I was doing it. Pretty shameful in retrospect but being so devious it is quiet easy to see what underhanded goings on happen all around you. Quiet unsurprising if you ask me.

Something of Highballs

I look up at the problem. Heel hook. Move hands from jug to in cut half pad crimp. Pop to jug. Move feet to left. Stand on sharp edge and slap out to in cut side pull with matching crimp. Not a pad jug. Commit. Move feet high. Smear right foot and stand up to jug. Top out. Twenty five feet up. I think about folding my pad so I can reach the first hand and foot hold. No. I will wait until I can flash this one. No point in wearing out a good spotter.

The Story of a Star

This is a revision of an old Toltec fable. There was a man that once truly loved a woman and this woman truly loved him as well. Their love was something born of the earth and roots of the land not the mists and waters of valley. One night this man took a walk and he sat upon and old tree root were he began to look up at the sky. His heart was full of love and as he looked at the sky a star came falling from the sky. The man's heart swelled even more and the star came even closer to the man until it was sitting in his lap. The man was so focused on the star and his heart so swollen with love that the man actually merged with the star and they floated back up to the sky. The woman, who loved this man very much, looked for her beloved all over the planet and it is unknown if she is still looking for him but one thing is for sure, this man loved the feeling of love more than he loved the woman who instilled him with that feeling and that is why he left with the star.

The Follow Through

Welp. School is kicking my ass and I don't get many opportunities to climb any more so it can be rather challenging to not flip the fuck out. I believe that I have been rewired with a short fuse and I am unsure if I can resist going "postal" on someones ass. Honestly, I almost got out of my car the other night, to beat the shit out of some condescending bitch! I must do something about this situation because if I do not start climbing on a regular basis, my mental health and the physical well being of others is at risk. I'm not fucking kidding. At least I'm still getting laid though due to the fact that my boyfriend and I have not broken up...yet. (I owe everyone a good story.)

Clean Slate?

When someone that you care about wants to do any of the following, run while you still can!!! I'm fucking serious.

1. Work on communication
2. Read a relationship advice book together
3. Take time apart to figure out what they need or want
4. Goes on frequent trips with friends when they know you cannot go aka on purpose
5. Asks if it is appropriate to start with a clean slate.
6. Oh fucking hell, you know when its going to get bad

Apparently, I'm the only one that had fun climbing this weekend. Thank you Red River Gorge!