The Finer Details

Although the finer details of my relationship have not fully come to pass, I cannot help but to delight in the very likely possibility that it will be over very very soon. (But don't get me wrong, I cried all day Saturday in my room and only came out due to a wonderful vodka cocktail my roommate cultivated for me.) Here are the good things:

1. Soon I won't have to lug my lazy ass up/around/down to some V10 bullshit boulder, where there are no good climbs, to spot him.
2. I will also be able to unabashedly look at the climbing hotties without getting the evil eye. At least not from my boyfriend but possibly a near by girlfriend. Whatever.
3. Pretty soon all the snacks will be MINE!!!!
4. I won't have to pray that someone does not come up to my boyfriend in the boulder field, bragging about some "wicked hard problem" so that #1 occurs.
5. And I might actually meet someone that does not treat me with total indifference.

How to Escape Anything

Asshole.

2 Months

I will not be climbing with my boyfriend for two whole months but to be perfectly honest, I don't think I want to climb with him ever again. So my objective is to find several climbing partners and then a few people to train with during the week. I'm even thinking about posting an add on craigslist, although that would be rather dangerous but I swear I might just leave my boyfriend if we have another fight over climbing. It is such a stupid reason to fight too and he claims that it would be a great way to "grow" in our relationship so I know that if it is a stupid reason to fight and he threw the word "grow" in there, then it must be avoided at all costs. Its like a devious boss that throws you into an unfamiliar job situation so that you will flail around and they have a reason to fire you.

Weighting the New System

Looking at myself in the mirror I see that my breasts have gotten saggy, my teeth are not as white as they used to be and my new hair cut looks like my other hair cuts but shorter. I am stuck in my ways and it was obvious this Saturday when I went to tackle one of my projects, the Indirect to the Glass Menagerie. Throw in a daisy chain and the idea of hanging on and cleaning cordilet and I freaked the fuck out and bailed out. Luckily it started raining but it just made me feel bitter, not to mention the boyfriend that I should no longer be climbing with made me feel even worse about bailing. As we sat there, out of the rain by Invisible Airways, I thought to myself, "I have gotten in over my head." I knew I could climb that climb, there was never an issue of whether or not I would be strong enough but my head got in my way. Seeing my buddy dislocate is knee could not be the only reason why I have reverted back to a big scaredy cat, could it? But there are other issues like the fact that if any new variables are added to the equation, like the daisy chain and the fucking cordilet, I cannot concentrate on climbing because I am so worried about fucking up the system. Seeing your climbing grade cordilet snap while your swinging in a hammock should not be enough to make you stop climbing, right? I should have trusted that my partner would not put me in danger but that is not what my mind was saying to me while I was up there, below the first bolt. "You are going to forget how to use this new system and you are going to fall." It looks like I have to start from square one and start climbing 5.6 so I can build confidence in myself and different systems. Its not bouldering season yet.

Head Game

Since the start of rope season this year, I have struggled with my rational and irrational fears. Since it is my boyfriend's job to act as a rope gun, it is my job to trash-bin the climb. Cleaning routes is not so bad, in fact, I have made leaps and bounds in cleaning but lately I have been experiencing doubt in my knots. When I go in direct, I'm fine but when I am tying back in my knots do not appear correct. It is totally irrational and I tell myself that and attempt to reassure myself by counting the two's on my figure eight but the lingering thought is still in my mind. "Your knot is not right. Your knot is not right. Your knot is not right." I look at it again and all the parts are there. I've even hung from less reliable anchors (although I had protection still in below me) but the thought of my knot being wrong is still in the back of my mind. Although, I should work on this aspect of my climbing, I feel compelled to just look forward to bouldering season.

Betrayal

Due to one of my jobs I have developed a fascination with horses but with this fascination I have also developed the habit of reading too much about horses. Every time I see a magazine or a book with the picture of a horse on it, I cannot help but to pick it up and read its pages. I read an article about an organization that helps retired racing horses by retraining them or finding them a new home to live out the rest of their lives. Most retired racing horses end up in slaughter houses in Mexico or Canada, even the famous ones, if they become injured from poor training or cannot breed/stud due to other complications. Here is the worst part...reading this article has made bawl my eyes out for the past hour. I guess it really bothers me when after working with horses for this past year and you see how hard they work and how high the expectations are for them, it just seems like a horrible betrayal for someone that is entrusted with their care to just turn around and neglect them. Those horses are so trusting too. I don't know any dogs that would allow a 100lbs+ human ride them around at 35 to 60mph and blindly take jumps or sharp turns. It's not right, those horsies deserve better.