IT keeps on ticking

We are still together. No he does not want to marry me nor do I want to marry him so the last story was simply that, a story. I am unsure if we will "make it" as they say but for right now, things are going good. I will admit that his moodiness is borderline female but shit, 'nobody is perfect like me'. At least we don't fight ALL the time like some other variety of the dysfunctional couple. This is very reminiscent of a previous blog I wrote back during the bouldering season. On a brighter note it is official that if I want to become a stronger climber I must stop climbing with my boyfriend as often. Also, I must get a membership to Climbmax before I go stir crazy with worry about the next Triple Crown. I might as well face it, I am competitive and I want to do better than I did last year, say top 15 for my division. I wonder if it makes me a shallow climber if I am competitive? I wonder if "being a good sport" counts towards being a "good" climber? No matter, I suppose. As long as my bulky ass still trains pretty hard and I keep my motivation up by any means possible, the outcome is secondary, the application of self is the true life lesson. Speaking of application of self, the hike up the Hawksbill is pure murder especially if your just going up there to get on the best 5.10 ever. Appalachian Springs is not too shabby either although I could only get up to the second bolt and I hung it so much it might as well have been a V0. That is what happens when you don't climb for a month.

The Story of Daniel Boone and the Disaster that was Diverted

Daniel Boone awoke by the river. His mouth was dry and his clothes lay torn beside him. The sun shined brightly in his eyes so he did not notice the old woman sitting on the branch of the willow tree beside him. He got to his feet and walked steadily to river's edge and bent down to drink but he felt eyes on him and turned around to see the old woman standing less than a foot away. The old woman cracked a wicked smile and cooed to him in a ragged voice, "Ah yes my handsome and lucky warrior, you have come just in time. My heart was so lonely that I feared that it would shatter and I would spend my never ending days alone in this world. Finally, you have come." Daniel Boone was confused and with a quizzical look said "Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else." "No. I do not believe I have" said the ancient hag "you too have suckled from the tit of Eternity and now we can spend our lives together, forever. I have seen all of my lovers die and move on while I stayed; I have prayed through the centuries that one day I would have a love that would never die." Although Daniel Boone felt a deep sympathy for this ancient and perhaps crazy woman, he had absolutely no intention of staying with her but the deep sorrow in her eyes made him unable to express his full desire to leave. He truly felt compelled to help this hag but before he could utter a word of compassion, the willow tree came alive and snatched him off his feet and bound him to its branches. The old witch cackled and said "when you have been around for as long as I have, you learn a couple of tricks" and with that she ran off into the forest. "Shit..." thought Daniel but before he could finish his thought, the old hag came bounding out the woods, wearing a wedding dress made of burlap. "Now I have you, my handsome frontiersman" said the forceful witch. But, Daniel Boone quickly devised a plan and began to compliment the witch on her "beautiful" gown and as he "fawned" over the old hag, the willow tree's grip loosened. The willow tree began to let him slowly down to the ground and the hag hugged him so tight that he feared his plan would not work. "Let me get close to the river so that I may clean myself and look presentable for you, my love" said Daniel. He walked to the river and as he approached a giant catfish stirred from its bed. Without hesitation Daniel Boone jumped into the river and grabbed the catfish around its massive body and it quickly swam off, trying to loose its captor. Daniel Boone held his breath for as long as possible but when he felt that his lungs would catch on fire he let go of fish and floated to the surface. He made his way to the edge of the river and even though he was pretty far away from his would be bride he could hear her wails of sorrow. In fact, the warring Indian tribes could hear the hag's yells for miles and miles around. The cries were so sadding that the Indians began to believe that it was the Earth crying due to all the blood it had soaked up and they immediately stopped the war in the Red River Gorge. Daniel Boone managed to safely escape the gorge and vowed never to return and I would like to remind the readers that if you favor Daniel Boone in the least bit, it would be wise not to venture to the Red River because that old witch is still looking for her eternal husband.

Character Assassination

Well you know my relationship prediction? Try three days... yep. It might be over, forever. But honestly, would you want to be around someone that has been continually assassinating your character when they get upset? Most people would not. Hell, if someone has such a low opinion of their girlfriend why stick around at all? I will tell you why, because it is a subtle form of manipulation and is often used by people that are emotionally abusive. I hate to say it. I would like to give my boyfriend the benefit of the doubt but I feel that it might have gone past the point of return. Also, I do not feel appreciated and I'm not talking about monetary compensation either. I do not feel appreciated as a person and it really reminds me of being with my family. I have some understanding of how things got to this point but this is either a hurdle or a brick wall. I hope it pours fucking rain all over the New River this weekend, bitches. I owe you guys a good story.

Waiting it Out

I have decided to wait it out and see what happens. I am sure at this point that we will not be together forever and more than likely it might end in three months. I do not consider it a waste of time, at least not yet. Also, I might be going slightly insane from not climbing for two weeks and candida.

The Pre-combat Jitters

There is an overwhelming sense of excitement before a relationship, fling, etc. begins. Often times I forget what the fuss is about but looking back at some of my more recent personal excursions, I have found that what I enjoy most is the "knowing yet not knowing" beginnings of a relationship. For an instance, think back to a time when you met someone and you found them attractive, smart, and absolutely intoxicating to be around but you where unsure if they liked you. You had some notion, through little hints or passive body contact but you did not want to be overly confident of your standing with such a stunning person. Didn't it drive you crazy? BUT didn't you absolutely love every second? Wouldn't it just drive a lame heart insane to feel a pat on the back and sincerely wish that it was a lingering hold? A simple smile into a kiss? The point that I am making is that there are certain aspects of attraction that we lose from finalizing a relationship.

Why I love my new home

1. My cat loves it
2. My room has a big closet for my climbing stuff and my clothes
3. My roommate/landlord is pretty badass
4. My house is in a great location and I can walk to the Brew and View
5. I do not feel unwelcome
6. The neighbors seem nice
7. I don't feel alone here
8. I'm pretty sure that if I had a stalker other people in the neighborhood would notice
9. There is good energy here
10. And it smells good

I'm Bold as Love

Unsure of how to progress from here. I often wonder if Charlie would approve of my current circumstance. Would he pat me on the back? Would he question my motives? I would like nothing more than a quick and easy fix but my ego is quite the monster. Never resting, never questioning; it is always right in its own way and everyone else can go to hell. What a dangerous creature. I'm sure some people would feel the way I do right now. If someone said they did not want to be with you and they were leaving ("Have a nice life"), well I could easily imagine that a few individuals would feel slighted. But if they didn't go, how would most people feel? Lucky? Relieved? I suppose some would say yes but those with the plague of ego would feel the way I do; hurt, skeptical, and restless. I would like to pretend it never happened.

Candida Overgrowth

I have an overgrowth of candida and for those of you that don't know, it amounts to being an over zealous yeast infection. Fucking great. I found out this morning by spitting in a glass of water that was left on my bedside table overnight (to get rid of the chlorine) and my spit did not dissipate but in fact became stringy, white and disgusting. My boyfriend, whom I fought with over 4th of July weekend, also has an overgrowth of candida. I'm not sure if its the candida talking but I am concerned that my ego has taken a blow that it will not recover from anytime soon. Basically, on top of having a systemic yeast infection, I almost lost my fucking boyfriend. Thankfully, I have automatic locks on my car doors. Once again, I am not sure if its the candida talking but I am concerned that my ego might just be more important than this relationship and although I was once prone to self sabotage, I fear that for once it is not me that is the saboteur but my boyfriend. Now I know how my ex's feel and it sucks. But then again it could be the candida talking.

Ta fucking Da

I am currently unpacking. Hurray for my side. Might be going to the New River Gorge this weekend but I am unsure. I would love to go but there is no way that I am going to be driving by myself up there. (I know, "all by myself") Everyone is flaking the fuck out and I must admit that it kind of sucks in a serious way. I just don't like flaky people, I should know because I used to be one. It is rather simple, do what you say your going to do. If a magician said they were going to make the hot chick disappear well then they better fucking do it and they better do it with some piazzas, if you know what I mean. You don't have shit unless you up hold your word and in the case of the magician, you better do what you say your going to do. And now for my next trick.