Thoughts on Thoughts (thinking about thinking)

So low and behold to add to the feelings of doubt are thoughts about thoughts. Wondering as to how the mental reaction that came about due to particular people's actions. Remarkably, these reactions were so carefully intertwined with previous experiences to produce nothing less than shock. Somehow it has gotten harder to ignore the idea that there might be some sort of purpose to it all and it could be everyone's prerogative to briefly look at life without the veil of humanistic optimism and finally see it for what it really is, simply brutal. Shock soon follows. I remember all to well the sleepless nights and bad dreams that only masked my true affliction. Seeking peace in a social hell hole and being duped into thinking there is such a thing a peace.