And Furthermore

Charlie was born November 18th 1982 during a fall rainstorm on a hillside about 15 miles from a former home of mine. He learned how to ride a four wheeler when he was three years old and taught himself how to read by the age of 5. Shortly after kindergarten he was taken by the state from his parents and placed under the supervision of his mother's parents. His parents died two years afterwards and luckily they did not get to take Charlie with them. (Crazy bastards) Charlie and I met one morning at the merry go round. It was a time when playgrounds were dangerous but so much more fun. I was only in 1st grade and he was in 3rd (I think). We liked to throw worms at stupid girls and ugly boys and we were the main reason why the teachers stopped letting the older kids play during the same time as the little ones. At that time I was also living with my grandparents and regardless of how much I loved them, I still missed my mom so much that sometimes I would cry on the bus because I knew she was not going to be home when I got there. Charlie would always try to make me feel better. He would say "You know Sarna we are so lucky that we get to live with our grandparents because they are ancient and will die sooner so we get to know them before they die." Charlie was wise, very wise. He knew where the best black berries were and he knew how to catch crawdads really fast. He single handily beat the shit out of the biggest bully at school because Charlie said he was making other people evil. Charlie could climb any tree and any rock and he would always egg me to climb what he easily scampered up. Charlie died January 10th 2007 in a hospital instead of rotting in the jungle where he belonged. Charlie and people like Charlie are so important to me and really they should be important to anyone with half a soul. I have realized that I cannot live this life without people like Charlie and so I have started searching for a home. Home does not necessarily mean a place with a roof and walls but a place where your heart is at ease with the people around you. You feel like you belong and living is effortless because everything falls into place. There are a bunch more places for me to explore but one day I'm going to find this "home" thing and maybe my head will get straight. Also, I met someone and I think I might like them and I'm scared that I am going to get completely fucked over again. I'm not sure if I can bounce back anymore.