Head Game

Since the start of rope season this year, I have struggled with my rational and irrational fears. Since it is my boyfriend's job to act as a rope gun, it is my job to trash-bin the climb. Cleaning routes is not so bad, in fact, I have made leaps and bounds in cleaning but lately I have been experiencing doubt in my knots. When I go in direct, I'm fine but when I am tying back in my knots do not appear correct. It is totally irrational and I tell myself that and attempt to reassure myself by counting the two's on my figure eight but the lingering thought is still in my mind. "Your knot is not right. Your knot is not right. Your knot is not right." I look at it again and all the parts are there. I've even hung from less reliable anchors (although I had protection still in below me) but the thought of my knot being wrong is still in the back of my mind. Although, I should work on this aspect of my climbing, I feel compelled to just look forward to bouldering season.