The Story of Daniel Boone and the Disaster that was Diverted

Daniel Boone awoke by the river. His mouth was dry and his clothes lay torn beside him. The sun shined brightly in his eyes so he did not notice the old woman sitting on the branch of the willow tree beside him. He got to his feet and walked steadily to river's edge and bent down to drink but he felt eyes on him and turned around to see the old woman standing less than a foot away. The old woman cracked a wicked smile and cooed to him in a ragged voice, "Ah yes my handsome and lucky warrior, you have come just in time. My heart was so lonely that I feared that it would shatter and I would spend my never ending days alone in this world. Finally, you have come." Daniel Boone was confused and with a quizzical look said "Perhaps you have mistaken me for someone else." "No. I do not believe I have" said the ancient hag "you too have suckled from the tit of Eternity and now we can spend our lives together, forever. I have seen all of my lovers die and move on while I stayed; I have prayed through the centuries that one day I would have a love that would never die." Although Daniel Boone felt a deep sympathy for this ancient and perhaps crazy woman, he had absolutely no intention of staying with her but the deep sorrow in her eyes made him unable to express his full desire to leave. He truly felt compelled to help this hag but before he could utter a word of compassion, the willow tree came alive and snatched him off his feet and bound him to its branches. The old witch cackled and said "when you have been around for as long as I have, you learn a couple of tricks" and with that she ran off into the forest. "Shit..." thought Daniel but before he could finish his thought, the old hag came bounding out the woods, wearing a wedding dress made of burlap. "Now I have you, my handsome frontiersman" said the forceful witch. But, Daniel Boone quickly devised a plan and began to compliment the witch on her "beautiful" gown and as he "fawned" over the old hag, the willow tree's grip loosened. The willow tree began to let him slowly down to the ground and the hag hugged him so tight that he feared his plan would not work. "Let me get close to the river so that I may clean myself and look presentable for you, my love" said Daniel. He walked to the river and as he approached a giant catfish stirred from its bed. Without hesitation Daniel Boone jumped into the river and grabbed the catfish around its massive body and it quickly swam off, trying to loose its captor. Daniel Boone held his breath for as long as possible but when he felt that his lungs would catch on fire he let go of fish and floated to the surface. He made his way to the edge of the river and even though he was pretty far away from his would be bride he could hear her wails of sorrow. In fact, the warring Indian tribes could hear the hag's yells for miles and miles around. The cries were so sadding that the Indians began to believe that it was the Earth crying due to all the blood it had soaked up and they immediately stopped the war in the Red River Gorge. Daniel Boone managed to safely escape the gorge and vowed never to return and I would like to remind the readers that if you favor Daniel Boone in the least bit, it would be wise not to venture to the Red River because that old witch is still looking for her eternal husband.