Waiting it Out

I have decided to wait it out and see what happens. I am sure at this point that we will not be together forever and more than likely it might end in three months. I do not consider it a waste of time, at least not yet. Also, I might be going slightly insane from not climbing for two weeks and candida.

The Pre-combat Jitters

There is an overwhelming sense of excitement before a relationship, fling, etc. begins. Often times I forget what the fuss is about but looking back at some of my more recent personal excursions, I have found that what I enjoy most is the "knowing yet not knowing" beginnings of a relationship. For an instance, think back to a time when you met someone and you found them attractive, smart, and absolutely intoxicating to be around but you where unsure if they liked you. You had some notion, through little hints or passive body contact but you did not want to be overly confident of your standing with such a stunning person. Didn't it drive you crazy? BUT didn't you absolutely love every second? Wouldn't it just drive a lame heart insane to feel a pat on the back and sincerely wish that it was a lingering hold? A simple smile into a kiss? The point that I am making is that there are certain aspects of attraction that we lose from finalizing a relationship.

Why I love my new home

1. My cat loves it
2. My room has a big closet for my climbing stuff and my clothes
3. My roommate/landlord is pretty badass
4. My house is in a great location and I can walk to the Brew and View
5. I do not feel unwelcome
6. The neighbors seem nice
7. I don't feel alone here
8. I'm pretty sure that if I had a stalker other people in the neighborhood would notice
9. There is good energy here
10. And it smells good

I'm Bold as Love

Unsure of how to progress from here. I often wonder if Charlie would approve of my current circumstance. Would he pat me on the back? Would he question my motives? I would like nothing more than a quick and easy fix but my ego is quite the monster. Never resting, never questioning; it is always right in its own way and everyone else can go to hell. What a dangerous creature. I'm sure some people would feel the way I do right now. If someone said they did not want to be with you and they were leaving ("Have a nice life"), well I could easily imagine that a few individuals would feel slighted. But if they didn't go, how would most people feel? Lucky? Relieved? I suppose some would say yes but those with the plague of ego would feel the way I do; hurt, skeptical, and restless. I would like to pretend it never happened.

Candida Overgrowth

I have an overgrowth of candida and for those of you that don't know, it amounts to being an over zealous yeast infection. Fucking great. I found out this morning by spitting in a glass of water that was left on my bedside table overnight (to get rid of the chlorine) and my spit did not dissipate but in fact became stringy, white and disgusting. My boyfriend, whom I fought with over 4th of July weekend, also has an overgrowth of candida. I'm not sure if its the candida talking but I am concerned that my ego has taken a blow that it will not recover from anytime soon. Basically, on top of having a systemic yeast infection, I almost lost my fucking boyfriend. Thankfully, I have automatic locks on my car doors. Once again, I am not sure if its the candida talking but I am concerned that my ego might just be more important than this relationship and although I was once prone to self sabotage, I fear that for once it is not me that is the saboteur but my boyfriend. Now I know how my ex's feel and it sucks. But then again it could be the candida talking.

Ta fucking Da

I am currently unpacking. Hurray for my side. Might be going to the New River Gorge this weekend but I am unsure. I would love to go but there is no way that I am going to be driving by myself up there. (I know, "all by myself") Everyone is flaking the fuck out and I must admit that it kind of sucks in a serious way. I just don't like flaky people, I should know because I used to be one. It is rather simple, do what you say your going to do. If a magician said they were going to make the hot chick disappear well then they better fucking do it and they better do it with some piazzas, if you know what I mean. You don't have shit unless you up hold your word and in the case of the magician, you better do what you say your going to do. And now for my next trick.

Moving

So. I'm moving and it sucks. It is not the packing part that I dislike but the actual moving and carrying crap. UH. On the bright side though, I will be living in a highly desirable part of Asheville and the house I will be living in is pretty badass. I just hope I don't get run over by a car while riding my bike because that will definitely put an end to rope climbing season and perhaps bouldering season. Nothing could be worse. Ok, maybe that was an exaggeration but it would still suck.